Page 13 - Dainfern Precinct Living Issue 10 2025

THE BIG PICTURE
TODAY'S CHILD

What happens when we stop

fixing children and start

understanding them

Kate’s late-identified ADHD sparked a hero of cooperation.
deep dive into the “why” behind behaviour.
That curiosity became a master’s degree, 4. Assume competence,
BCBA certification and a practice built on even in chaos. The
compassion and data instead of compliance child flailing on the
and fear. floor might also be
able to explain the
Nicola’s moment came through parenting— laws of physics in
watching her own child live the same Lego metaphors.
confusion she once did. It pushed her into Don’t confuse
gifted and twice-exceptional education and regulation with
into founding the NeuroParenting Hub, intellect; they’re
where parents can finally exhale and say, separate systems.
“Oh, this makes sense now.”
5. Support curiosity, not
Once they understood themselves, they compliance. Curiosity
stopped trying to fix children and started is how brains fall in
trying to see them. love with learning.
Compliance just
REFRAMING BEHAVIOUR: SEEING ends the argument.
BEYOND THE SURFACE If adults can make a
Kate and Nicola both learned that child want to know,
behaviour is rarely what it seems. What they’ve already won
looks like defiance or disinterest is often half the battle—and
communication in disguise. Kate reads no one has to cry in
behaviour as data — clues to environment, the car afterwards.
regulation and need. Nicola reads it as
story — the human narrative beneath the None of this needs
surface. Together they show that once adults perfection. It just needs
start reading the real message, connection adults who can breathe,
becomes possible. notice and remember that
“doing your best” looks
BUILDING THE BRIDGE different every day—for them
This is where Kate and Nicola’s worlds and for the children they
meet—data meets belonging. love.
Behavioural science gives structure;
relational education brings the heart. When WHAT WOULD HAVE HELPED THEM
they work with schools and families, they
translate between those languages until If someone had told Kate and Nicola sooner ABOUT THE A UTHORS
that their chaos had context, they might
everyone is fluent in “child.”
Kate La Trobe MSc, BCBA
CHANGE THE LENS, It’s not theory. It’s the small, real stuff: a have spent fewer years apologising for who Behavioural Analyst, Early-Intervention &
they were. Understanding doesn’t rewrite the
Family-Support Specialist and Neurodiversity
past, but it softens it — and it changes what
parent taking a breath before correcting, a
Consultant. Board-Certified through the BACB,

teacher realising a child isn’t oppositional
comes next.
CHANGE THE STORY but overwhelmed. Those tiny shifts change Now, every child they meet is a chance to Kate works across clinical and educational
settings in South Africa and the UK, applying
interrupt that old story, to swap “What’s
everything.
behavioural science with compassion to support
wrong with you?” for “What’s happening for
FIVE TRUTHS THEY WISH EVERY
neurodivergent learners and their families.
you?” That single shift in language changes
1. Ask what need this behaviour meets.
the space between them.
BY KATE LA TROBE MSC, BCBA AND NICOLA KILLOPS, EDUCATOR AND GIFTED & TWICE-EXCEPTIONAL SPECIALIST ADULT KNEW everything — for the child, for the adult, for •www.katelatrobe.com
Every behaviour meets something—a
•linkedin.com/in/kate-la-trobe
need, a fear, a frustration or just an And that’s what drives them now: to make a
escape from maths homework. If difference, one conversation, one classroom, Nicola Killops
adults jump straight to “stop that,” one family at a time — until understanding Educator, writer and Gifted & Twice-
they miss the message. Curiosity is becomes the rule, not the exception. Exceptional Education Specialist, founder of
cheaper than punishment.
Because in the end, the kids they’re trying to the NeuroParenting Hub and co-creator of the
2. Regulate before reasoning. You help are the ones they once were. Render-Killops relational-education framework.
can’t logic a child (or an adult, let’s Drawing on lived experience as both teacher
be honest) out of overwhelm. Calm THE CALL TO ACTION and parent of a neurodivergent learner, Nicola
first, talk later. It’s the emotional It’s time to stop fixing children and start creates strength-based tools and curricula
equivalent of putting on your own fixing the lens. The goal isn’t normality; it’s that help children be seen, supported and
oxygen mask; no one learns while understanding. celebrated.
gasping for air.
Once you truly see a child, you can’t unsee
3. Build sensory safety first. If the lights them. And that moment — when recognition •www.neuroparentinghub.co.za
hum, the clothes itch or the noise hits replaces correction, when a child feels •tinyurl.com/the-neuroparenting-newsroom
migraine territory, no sticker chart on seen rather than managed — that’s where •linkedin.com/in/nicola-killops-8398b1127
earth will fix it. Comfort is the unsung everything good begins.
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