Page 38 - Education Supplement_Issue 1_2023

OPINION PIECE

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Self-c
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Self-control and the under-five:
How you can help

By Nicola Killops

ll parents have been there. The earth-shattering tantrum at
the shops. The family get-togethers that see the kids stuck
Ain a headlock. It is a normal part of parenting. But how can
you make it easier for your child and you to navigate their early life
with fewer emotional catastrophes?

Understand the cause
Self-control is tough, even for adults. Ask Laura Brannigan. It
is even more challenging when the brain hasn’t developed the
reasoning skills it needs to self-regulate. Development from
conception to five years old is rapid. Your child transforms from a
single cell to a walking, talking, thinking little human, and the rate
of development will never be matched again in their lifetime.

The complicated part is that certain parts of their brain develop
faster than others. For example, the prefrontal cortex is where our allow them the opportunity to get up, move and play, and incorporate
executive functions take place. And our executive functioning is games into their learning. If a child is engaged in something they enjoy,
literally what separates us from the animals. Our working memory, their ability to focus improves tenfold.
ability to think flexibly, and self-control are all a part of executive
functioning. Encourage empathy
Genuine empathy is quite an advanced emotional skill. Children are very
Nature vs. Nurture focused on their own needs by design. But they can be taught to choose
Despite the developmental immaturity, a child’s environment, to consider the feelings and welfare of someone else. Make sure you
the support they receive, and how they are taught to deal with model this behaviour by openly sharing, acknowledging your mistakes, and
situations can make a difference in how they practice executive ensuring you give the child some undivided positive attention.
functioning skills, including self-control. Parents and early
childhood educators can help children develop methods to self- Acknowledge them
regulate. If a child feels heard and receives empathy when angry, sad, or
overwhelmed, they realize that their feelings matter. Talk to your child
Be clear and consistent without being dismissive and encourage them to discover ways to cope
Make sure you are clear about what behaviour is expected early with their emotions. Recognize and acknowledge them when they show
on. Communicate it in a simple yet positive way. Children struggle growth.
to extrapolate. A series of instructions confuses them and creates
anxiety. Focus on one at a time. Stand your ground
When the inevitable meltdown happens, avoid losing your cool. You can’t
Keep a routine fight fire with fire on this one. It reinforces that you need to yell and shout
Children take comfort in knowing what to expect, and routine to get what you want. Keep calm and explain that tantrums are not the
is essential. Knowing that lunchtime comes after story time and way to get what you want. And as hard as it may be, don’t ever give in.
bedtime comes after bath time helps them feel more in control of
their world. However, sudden, unexpected changes to their routine Choose a school that shares your values
can cause anxiety and lead to them losing emotional control. If you It’s essential that what you are modelling at home is reinforced at your
know that the routine will be disrupted, prepare them as much as child’s school or day care. Ensure that you have a relationship with your
possible by positively describing what they can expect. child’s teachers, and you can talk about your values.

Know their limitations There’s the old joke that parenting is a walk in the park…Jurassic Park. And
Children’s ability to focus on a specific learning activity is limited. it certainly has its fair share of hair-raising moments. However, arming
The rule of thumb is twice their age in minutes. So, at best, a yourself with a good understanding of how your child is developing and
five-year-old has a ten-minute window to learn new information what they need will go a long way towards carving out more quality time
actively. The best way to manage this is to alternate activities, and enjoying the ride.

Education | February 2023 | 36