Page 21 - Blue Valley_Issue 1_2022

TODAY’S CHILD

into smaller parts or facts. This helps in a relating to action, lack of action, outcomes, or
conflict situation, for example, where they consequences. For example, you can apply the
learn to separate the facts from the story skills of problem-solving to a simple situation
so that only the facts are dealt with. If it is like your child leaving their toys in a mess.
a multifaceted problem, this process breaks Address the situation by saying to your child:
it up into smaller pieces that fit together so “Why are all your toys lying everywhere? What
that they can think about each piece and if someone trips over them and hurts themself
then what they would like to do to address or accidentally stands on your toys and breaks
it. They will discover that, in most instances, them? That will make you sad, won’t it? Please
the issue is far smaller than they thought it pack them away so that nothing bad can
was – and much easier to resolve. happen.” You’re dealing with the concepts of
• Confidence: Once your child realises that action, lack of action and consequences, all in
they are in control and are capable of a non-confrontational manner.
resolving something, they’ll start to gain
confidence. This will allow them to become When a situation arises, calmly talk to your
more independent and less reliant on you to child and help them to outline the problem.
help them work things out. Remember to avoid judgement. Don’t push
• Resilience and coping skills: As previously hard for an outcome; rather let them rationalise
discussed, conflict and challenges are part what they may do and guide them gently
of life. These skills will equip your child to when they are off track. If they come up with
tackle problems head-on, instead of shying a good idea or solution, praise them – this will
away from them and letting a molehill grow empower them and make them feel proud of
into a mountain. They will learn that there is themselves, knowing they are able to think of
a solution to every problem and everything solutions, solve problems or think of the effect
turns out okay; maybe not exactly as they on others (the empathy previously mentioned).
hoped, but life goes on nonetheless.
• Consideration and empathy: If the problem Engaging in a constructive conversation also
involves others, your child will learn to be creates a safe space for your child. It builds
empathetic. There are two or more sides trust, so your child will learn that they can
to many problematic situations, and by always come to you for guidance.
considering how the other person thinks
or feels – thinking about their perspective This approach can also be used in situations
or experience – your child will gain a where your child is misbehaving. Instead
heightened sense of understanding, of yelling at them and telling them they
awareness and empathy. are naughty, sit them down and start a
constructive conversation. Allow them to
EMPOWER THEM think through why they are behaving that
As a parent, your instinct is to solve problems way, knowing that it is wrong or unacceptable.
for your child. It is quicker and easier, but you
are not doing them any favours – because Some of these situations may create strong
they will need to acquire and apply the emotions – your child may feel scared, sad,
skill of problem-solving all through life, angry, frustrated or worried. Let them cry or
from childhood to adolescence and on to express their frustration so they get to explore
adulthood. As with anything in life, this needs how they feel. Once the situation is over, help
plenty of practice in different scenarios. them reflect on their choices and the outcome
and how it made them feel afterwards.
The question you may now ask is: “How do I
teach this in the moment?” Finally, remember that we learn a great deal
from making mistakes. It is how we manage
In an immediate situation, apply the concepts these situations that matters.

In the same way that you teach your child to speak or ride a bike, it’s
essential that you teach them the life skill of problem-solving.

Image: Nathan Dumlao – unsplash

BLUE VALLEY NEWS • Issue 1 2022• 19