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BACK PAGE HUMOUR

TALKING REAL

RUBBISH

BY JAMES CLARKE

ttentive readers will recall that, put items in the wrong bins. She says it is
some time ago, I piously went on because the rules are so confusing.
about the need for plain English Exeter City Council’s waste disposal chief,
Aand how I support the current UK Arthur Dimson, says Donna’s excuse is
Plain English Campaign by shouting “Mooi rubbish.
skoot!” and avoiding long words such as
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilico- "It's quite simple really,” he says. “On the
volcanoconiosis. second and fourth Monday of each month,
plastics go in the red bins and aluminium in
A reader, Lylie Musgrave, has drawn my the blue bins. On the first and third Tuesdays
attention to an item that will interest all of each month - providing there has already
those who, like me, recycle their rubbish. It been a first Monday, paper goes into the red
concerned Donna Challice (30) of Exeter in containers and other non-aluminium metals
England, mother of three who appeared in go into the blue containers.
court for “contaminating recyclable rubbish”.
Now, just as I support plain English, I also “If there hasn't been a first Monday, the
support recycling rubbish. schedule is pushed back a week. On
alternating Wednesdays, glass goes into
Ring ring! the red cans and miscellaneous recyclable
Threnody! See who’s on the phone please. refuse goes into the blue cans.
What? It’s the E*D*I*T*O*R and she’s rung
off? What did she say? She said everybody “On Thursdays, non-recyclable refuse may
knows you are in favour of recycling rubbish be put into either the red or blue receptacles.
because you keep recycling it in your All discards must be washed - except
column! clothing which may be either washed or
dry-cleaned depending upon the fabric - and
Anyway, Britain’s Environmental Protection paper.
Act specifies what sort of material
householders have to place in special bins “Paper with coloured printing should only be Bon Appétit Chunky
(after cleaning them) on specific days for placed in the red cans on the first Tuesday
recycling. Donna, on six occasions this year, of each month. Paper with only black ink paté offers a finely
may be placed in the red ground and delightfully
containers on any other
qualifying Tuesday. smooth like paté.

“On weekends, the bins are
to remain empty for cleaning.
These rules are all posted on
the bottom of each recycling
bin. So it's not as if people
have to memorise them.
"Mrs Challice could wait until
the weekend and look at the
bottom of the empty bin to
refresh her memory on the
rules."
LOST BID
Scene – an auction room.
The auctioneer suddenly
announces: “A gentleman
in this room has lost a To the Dealer/Stockist:
wallet containing $10 000. This coupon entitles the bearer to receive R8 (including VAT) off the regular price of any BON APPÉTIT wet cat food products in return for this
If it is returned, he will pay a coupon. This coupon may be redeemed by sending it to the Coupon Clearing Bureau, Private Bag X2, Saxonwold, 2132. Supplier will not redeem
reward of $2 000." any coupons which have been redeemed on any other product(s) other than those specified above. Purchase of sufficient stock to cover coupons
A moment's silence. Then presented for redemption must be proved upon request. Only valid, original coupons will be accepted. Coupons may not be exchanged for cash.
Misuse of this coupon constitutes fraud. Expiry date: 31 July 2020.
from the back of the room:
“$2 500!"

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DPL