Page 30 - Dainfern Precinct Living 9 2020

HUMOUR

THE SHRINKAGE OF

THE ARTIFICIAL BRAIN

BY JAMES CLARKE

Human brains arl Sagan said human I am now seeking three people who would
be happy to wire their ears up to mine
intelligence depended on the
have shrunk Ceach person’s brain. and then think really hard so that we can
amount of switching elements in
generate the requisite amount of wattage.
about 10 percent Our brains are a mass of electrical (Do you know how difficult it is to get three
people to agree to this?)
over the past microcircuits just like a computer, but Just as real brain sizes are shrinking so
each is capable of a vastly greater
30 000 years. range of responses than a computer’s. are artificial brain sizes. In the 1960s
scientists worked out that a computer
What intrigues me is that the neurons in
similar in capacity to the human brain
the brain (tiny cells that conduct nerve
– New Scientist. impulses) generate about 25 watts of would need to be stored in a 100-storey
building. It could do anything a human
power.
could do - even compose music and write
I tried to demonstrate this to my an essay. (Even so, I doubt it could tie its
assembled family by screwing an electric own shoelaces or tell me where I left my
light bulb into my ear and darkening the car keys.)
room. I then forced the brain to work out
the square of Eskom’s debt. There was a By 1985 it was thought that an artificial
distinct humming sound, yet, despite the brain could be stored in only 12 storeys. In
wattage building up between the ears, the late 1990s it was down to two storeys
not a glimmer of light came from the bulb. and I predicted in my column that within a
Maybe it was because I had a 100 watt ‘decade or so’ science would be able to fit
light bulb in my ear and one’s neurons can this artificial brain into a matchbox.
generate only 25 watts.
We should, by now, have been able to
replace our brains with little Far Eastern
jobs assembled by child labour for R5,99
including VAT. This would leave our
craniums with at least 1200cc of vacant
space.
Note: I didn’t say ‘wasted’ space – I said
vacant. Vacant because we could then
have hinges fitted to our skull tops and
use the space to carry our sandwiches
or car keys. And what a boon it would
be to nudists who, at last, would have
somewhere comfortable to carry their
loose change.
Well science, where are they?

YEAH, WHAT?
Tony, aged four, was listening to a Bible
story. His dad read, “The man named Lot
was warned to take his wife and flee out of
the city but his wife looked back and was
turned to salt”.

With a worried expression on his face,
Tony asked: “What happened to the flea?”

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