Page 34 - Dainfern Precinct Living 2 2021

HUMOUR

computer shop
recently tried to
interest me in an
encyclopaedia
A on a DVD. To
test its usefulness I asked the
assistant to ‘pull up’ (as we
aficionados say in our special
computer language) the subject
of ‘Pretoria’.

Very quickly he had a map of
South Africa on the screen with
the flag flying in the breeze and I
dutifully snapped to attention as it
played some bars of our national THE MIGHTY
anthem. Then it imparted a couple of
hundred words about Pretoria.
and me, this is about all Pretoria is APIES RIVER
Strictly speaking, between you

worth but you don't have to listen
to me because I am from Greater BY JAMES CLARKE
Johannesburg - a 10 000 word
metropolis - and very biased.
reputation that has been bestowed it is only a few hundred metres
What grabbed my attention was this: upon its Apies River. I have further on).
"Pretoria is built on both banks of suggested to the city's tourist office
the Apies River in the foothills of the on the Left Bank that the Apies is "Like Budapest, London, Paris
Magaliesberg". worthy of being featured as a great and Penzihnskya Buba, Pretoria
Oh wow! It sounds like a mixture tourist attraction. This little river has straddles a busy waterway!" (It is
of Rome and Karen Blixen's the distinction of being a tributary of indeed busy - there are always
farm in Africa. But, in truth, the the mighty Limpopo and its name whirligig beetles buzzing round its
Magaliesberg is still saving up for refers to the little vervet monkey, a surface and you should just hear the
foothills and, as for the Apies, it is species whose males are something frogs at night!)
a small stream which one can step of a tourist attraction in themselves
across in several places. on account of their bright blue parts. "The more adventurous can press
on with their trackers, beyond the
Ever since Winston Churchill, as an We can use the river’s reputation to city centre. Watch out for lion and
escaped prisoner during the Boer offer the world a REAL AFRICAN elephant! From here you can see the
War, had to ‘negotiate’ the Apies (as ADVENTURE! We can invite tourists Big Five!" (This is because the river,
a historian put it), this stream has to "Come to Pretoria and journey now flowing through a storm water
been considered by those who have along one of Africa's most famous culvert, passes through Pretoria
never seen it, to be a mighty river - rivers, the Mighty Apies! Begin at its Zoo.)
perhaps not as mighty as the Nile, source in the mysterious Fountains
but mighty all the same. Valley where the big cats hunt by "... so, as we say farewell to
moonlight." (The cats, 'Rufus' and the tall giraffe and wildebeest,
I am not saying that Pretoria does 'Tibby-tats', are owned by the lady our safari goes on to meet the
NOT straddle the Apies. It definitely in the tea-room and they hunt mice. Mighty Pienaar’s River. The more
does. And the Apies is indeed a And they ARE big.) adventurous can cut across to the
river. It is even deep enough for mysterious Lost City of the late Sun
fish in one or two places. It rises "Then cross the Mighty Apies where King, Sol.”
near the café in Fountains Valley Churchill crossed after escaping the
and then goes past the city hall in a Boers!" (No need to mention one TARIFF: Excluding reasonably-
concrete culvert. It does not really might need to remove one’s shoes priced beads and salt for trading,
go anywhere before ending in the and socks or use the bridge). "From and buns for the elephants, the
Pienaars River, still within Pretoria. here the expedition strikes north safari costs a mere US$5099.
towards the centre of South Africa's Half price for students.
I believe Pretoria should trade on the famed capital!" (No need to mention DRESS: Smart casual.
32
DPL