Page 34 - Dainfern issue 10 2021

HUMOUR

PERFORMANCE -

ENHANCING DRUGS

BY JAMES CLARKE

I have it from a very unreliable DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to men before
leaving on car trips caused 72% of them to stop and ask
source that Pfizer, buoyed by the for directions when they got lost compared with a control

huge success of Viagra, is now group where only 0.2% asked for directions.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden,
researching a whole line of drugs overwhelming urge to perform more child care tasks,
especially cleaning up spills and changing nappies.
aimed at improving the performance COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82% of middle-aged

of men in other ways. men administered this drug noticed that their wives had
a new hairstyle. It’s currently being tested to see if its
Here are some of them: effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect
reported they experienced a sudden urge to buy their of making men want to turn off televised sports and
partners flowers and little gifts after taking this drug for actually chat with the family.
only two days.
CAPAGRA - Caused test subjects to become
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug uncharacteristically fastidious about lowering toilet seats
were far more likely to actually finish a household repair and replacing toothpaste caps. Subjects on higher doses
project before starting a new one. were seen dusting furniture.

FOR ADULTS ONLY going to pay that for heaven’s
sake?”

“We went to a restaurant last night
The following is for grown-ups only. Everybody under – they wanted R2.50 for 12 queen
the age of 50 can go outside and play until I call you in prawns! We ordered barracuda
instead – R1.50. Our favourite
again. (You’ll never believe this stuff anyway.) wine’s now 25c a bottle!”

“Do you know there are 100
Things overheard in 1961: “I don’t believe the bioscope does computers in South Africa? By
“I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep kids any good. You hear film stars next year there’ll be another 20!
going the way they are, it’s soon openly say ‘bloody’ and ‘damn’. And somebody predicts that NCR’s
going to be impossible to buy a Kids are bound to follow suit.” R1 million room-sized computer will
week’s groceries for R15.” be down to pocket-size one day
“Guess what? Amanda’s got and sell for R10. Ha!”
“They want to call Johannesburg’s one of those electric typewriters!
southwestern townships Seriously! And she’s getting almost “Do you like it? I paid R3.50 for the
“Verwoerdburg”. Others say R100 a month.” blouse and R7.95 for the skirt at
that, as the area is known as “Gordon Forbes says Wimbledon Foschini.”
Southwestern Township, it should tennis players should get at least
be called Soweto. That’ll never R500 for playing in the finals.” “Our favourite Cape coast hotel
catch on, surely?” now wants R30 a week for the two
“Have you seen the new Chevvy of us. We’ve cancelled, of course.”
“Do you think the police will ever station wagon? R1 200! Who’s
catch this fellow, Nelson Mandela?” (OK kids, you can come inside now.)
“What’s all this about the Russians
walling off Berlin?”
“I shouldn’t have bought this
Mercedes - it cost almost R3 to fill
it up this morning.”
“Twenty-five cents a packet? One
more price rise and I’m giving up
smoking!”

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