Page 30 - Dainfern Precinct Living 5 2021
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HUMOUR
MAIL ORDER So can a knighthood of the Holy
Grail (King Parzival), or a knighthood
of the Order Circulo Nobilario de
KNIGHTHOOD las Cabelleros, or a Captain of the
Legion de L'Aigle de Mer which
includes a medal (‘large’).
Le croissance! Touts! (I'm sorry, I
get very excited at the thought of all
BY JAMES CLARKE
these titles.)
For $200 and six photographs
here’s been a lot of talk The letter was headed HONOURS one gets into the serious stuff:
lately of people in high and the professor listed honours that "six various honours including
places calling themselves were currently available. three medals with band" (a ‘toot
doctors and professors ensemble’?). He adds "you may
Twhen in fact they had no I must confess I hunger for honours. include members of your family and
such qualification. It reminded me I belong to that sector of society friends".
of a period, not that long ago, when which has initials only in front of their
Russia abandoned old fashioned names. Not believing in half-measures I
communism and allowed a freer posted off $500 and a dozen pictures
society. It led to a number of people I knew of an academic who added of myself in adulthood.
assuming long-forgotten titles of ‘OMD’ after his genuine ‘PhD (Oxon),
which some were very suspect. MSc (Rand)’ and he told me I was The weeks went by. I could hardly
the only person who had asked him sleep. Then, very early one morning,
At the time, I received (and I am what it meant. It stands for ‘honorary there came a Dutch-sounding knock
not kidding) a letter from Dr B J in member of Densa’ - Densa being at the door.
der Busch (seriously, seriously, that the club I formed many years ago for
was his name) of Hemelijnstraat, those, like me, who were too stupid My wife answered the door and
Groesbeek, Holland who signed to get into Mensa. called up to me: "Coo-ee! Baby
himself ‘Emeritus Professor of Shoes!"
Economics; Grand Prior of the A friend suggested I add N.U.T.S.
Templar Order, Chancellor of after my name – it stands for ‘not "What is it, Chicken Pie?" I called
the Lofsensic Ursinius Order and understanding the system’. down from the bedroom as I tried to
Member of the Academy Midi’. fish my teeth out of the tooth mug.
Dr in der Busch’s letter offered "There's a man at the door with a
membership of the ‘Maison long sword who wants to fight you.
Internationale des Intellectuels’ Oh! Hang on. No. Sorry... He wants
in Paris. Me! That is to say, to KNIGHT you! He wishes to bestow
Moi! Une intellectuel! Le porte upon you a knighthood and proclaim
jarrefelles de ma tante et dans you heir to the throne of Silesia."
le champs! Vragtig!
If I became a member I "Does he come with a plasticised
would get a ‘passport-like diploma?" I shouted back.
identification book, three
Knighthood buttons for the coat and a "He says he comes with some
assorted crown jewels - oh, and a
large plasticised diploma for
the wall’. All I had to do was tiger's eye for the kids. And, guess
send $140 (US) and three what?"
photographs.
"I am trying to think, my Sugar Plum."
Or - for the same price (THINKS like anything.) "I give up.
plus three photographs - I What?"
could become a Knight of
the Templar Order (12th "He has just made me Baroness of
Century) which comes with Boukaap.”
two sealed diplomas.
"Tell him that as soon as I get my
A knighthood in the Order teeth in I'll be right down."
of the Lofsensic Ursinius
Order (10th Century) can "He says you don't need your teeth -
be had for a mere $100 he's offering knighthoods not Gouda
and just one photograph. cheese."
28
DPL
