Page 36 - Dainfern Precinct_Issue1_2022

HUMOUR
And hyperactive Jason (8), on medication to control
LOVE IS IN his hyperactivity, came home and announced, “The
Ritalin worked. I didn’t hit anybody today.”
THE EAR One of the most poignant anecdotes recounted by
Nita illustrates how careful one must be in explaining
something to a child. I’ll quote directly from Nita’s
book: For weeks Lenny, aged six, kept telling his
first grade teacher about the baby brother or sister
BY JAMES CLARKE that was expected at his house. One day his mother
allowed him to feel her tummy and the movements of
the unborn child.
ver the years, readers have sent me children’s Lenny, obviously impressed, said nothing but he
sayings deserving of immortality - like, 'Love is stopped talking about the impending event.
Oin the ear'. The teacher, worried, finally sat him on her lap and
said, “Lenny, whatever became of that baby brother or
Last week, I was told of a teacher reading the story, sister you were expecting at home?”
Lenny burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy
The Three Little Pigs. She came to the part where the ate it!”
first pig went up to a man with a wheelbarrow full of
straw and said, “Pardon me sir, but might I have some Some sayings in Nita’s book are from other sources,
of that straw to build my house with?” including from my old newspaper column, Stoep Talk.
There was Nancy (4) for instance, reciting the Lord’s
The teacher asked, “And what do you think that man Prayer... “and lead us not into temptation but deliver
said?” us some e-mail. Amen.”
A boy raised his hand: “I know! I know! He said ‘Holy
smokes! A talking pig!’” I liked the one about Ben (6) who was most intrigued
by Yom Kippur, the Jewish holy day when people fast
The late Nita Ebelin of Kelvin, Sandton, for years the whole day. His Jewish mother explained to him
collected the funny, absurd and wise things children that she was allowed to eat only after the sun had
said and put them into a book entitled, How Much gone down. An hour later Ben comes rushing indoors:
Do I Cost? which is long out of print. I was pleased “Mom, quickly! The sun has gone behind the clouds —
to come across a copy in a second-hand bookshop. you can sneak a little snack.”
Nita was mainly inspired by her own children and her
two grandchildren, Dani (9) and Yoni (7). In fact Dani, And Liza — she was asked to say grace before dinner
unknowingly, supplied the title: she was being weighed but was overawed by the presence of her parents’
as a toddler and watched the dial settle. She asked, friends. “I don’t know what to say,” she said.
“How much do I cost?” “Just say what you hear me say,” her mother said.
Liza recited: “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these
A lot of other children were immortalised in Nita’s people to dinner?”
book.
My favourite is about a teacher giving the basics about
Faye (5) told a friend, “I’ve just had chicken pox.” The the blood’s circulation. He said, “If I stand on my head,
friend said, “I had fish fingers.” the blood, as you know, will run into my head and I will
turn red in the face. But, while I am standing upright,
the blood doesn’t run into my feet. Why?”
Long silence. Then a youngster says, “Cause your feet
aren’t empty.”

GOOD QUESTION
Blame Dr Hugh Cobb for the following:
At the Henry Street Hebrew School, New York,
Goldblatt finished the lesson.
“Mr Goldblatt,” said little Joey, “there’s somethin’ I
can’t figger. Accordin’ to the Bible, the Children of
Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?”
“Right.”
“An’ the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines,
right?”
“Well . . . OK.”
“An’ the Children of Israel built the Temple; an’ the
Children of Israel fought the ‘gyptians; an’ the Children
of Israel fought the Romans — the Children of Israel
wuz always doin’ somethin’ important. Right?”
“Right. So what’s your question, Joey?”
“What wuz all the grown-ups doin’?”

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