Page 17 - Dainfern Precinct_Issue2_2022

TODAY'S CHILD BUSINESS
Or sometimes, we avoid issues
completely when we sit in shame. The
antidote to this is self-compassion.
Back in the days when we used to
jump on planes and we used to fly all
over the place, they used to tell us that
SHIFT 4 if the plane got into trouble we were to
give oxygen to ourselves first, before
we gave it to the children beside us.
It’s the same concept. We have to
give compassion to ourselves before
we can hope to care for the people
in our organisations, as we’re going
through really disruptive times. One of
the questions I like to ask my leaders
when I hear this really disruptive
self-talk is: “Would you talk to a friend
or a loved one the way you speak to
yourself?”

On your diagram - the last line for
you deals with self-judgment (on the
Photographer: Patrick Tomasso, Unsplash
left), and self-compassion (on the
From expert to beginner, from deal with family in the background right). I would put money on it that
perfection to done, from command while running a leadership team this is the one where most people will
and control to trust and transparency, meeting. It’s the first time that we’ve be furthest to the left towards self-
from failure-aversion to failure- had to shift our supply chains to a judgment. This will be the biggest
seeking. And I have to say, and completely different way of working. shift that you have to make. And
this is from personal experience in you’re not alone. Even I perhaps
running these types of shifts, they are And when we do things for the first need to do a little bit of work on self-
incredibly liberating. time, we are often very critical of compassion.
• I no longer have to be right. ourselves. We go, “I was not good
• I no longer have to be perfect. enough, I should have done that So here are our five shifts, expert to
• I don’t have to know all the better. What will people think of me? beginner, perfection to done, command
answers. They won’t like me anymore as a and control to trust and transparency,
• I don’t need clarity before I talk leader.” And we often use really, failure aversion to failure-seeking,
with my teams. really critical terms to describe self-judgment to self-compassion.
• I can let go of what no longer ourselves. And when we sit in self-
serves me. judgment we sit in shame, and shame The way you lead, engage and
It is incredibly liberating and it is can be an emotion that really cripples support your teams is more important
incredibly energising. agility in organisations. than ever before.
However . . . I say this after about When we sit in a space of shame, My final words, be kind to yourself!
seven or eight years of working in agile what goes on for us is a ‘flight-fight-
environments, I wouldn’t have said freeze’ reaction in our brain. Shame You can find the full version of this
that eight years ago. This is why I used creates paralysis because we don’t article at www.drjenfrahm.com
the word shift very deliberately. This know what we’re going to do, or we’re Dr. Jen Frahm is co-founder of the
is not a massive change for people, embarrassed by the way we’re doing Agile Change Leadership Institute.
any shift to the right is going to leave it. Alternatively, it’s not good enough She is a speaker, a blogger and
you in a better position to lead an so we won’t do anything, which a global expert on organisational
agile organisation, because ultimately doesn’t help us with agility. change and transformation. She's
it takes courage and vulnerability. It also an author of books such as
can be really uncomfortable to make We can sometimes react in anger and Conversations of Change and
these shifts, to not be the expert all the lash out at people. Change.Leader.
time, to relinquish control, to produce
something that’s not quite perfect, to fail
and learn and talk about it all openly.
It’s really tough, this is difficult stuff.
SHIFT 5

FROM SELF-JUDGMENT TO SELF-
COMPASSION
And this is why I think the fifth
mindset shift that leaders need to
make is the most important. It’s
the shift from self-judgment to self-
compassion. For many leaders today,
they will be doing things for the very
first time. It’s the first time I’ve had
to run a company from my kitchen
counter. It’s the first time I’ve had to
Photographer: Laura Chouette, Unsplash Photographer: Andrei Shiptenko, Unsplash
15
DPL