Page 38 - Fourways Gardens October 2020

The biggest furniture manufacturer in the world
Humour

BEFORE YOU Dear the Hon/Professor/Dr/Rev/Mr/Mrs/Ms du Toit,

LEAVE FOR I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt (and perhaps rather

PERTH to answer some of the points you raise.
over-hasty) reply to our latest communication regarding your tax assessment. I will also try

B Y JAMES CLARKE I will address them, as ever, in order.

I referred to such documents.
Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last communication as a ‘begging
am in possession of a delightful letter
letter’ . It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a ‘tax demand’ . This is how we at
ostensibly written by an o cial in the
the South African Revenue Service o ces have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally
British Receiver of Revenue's o ce.
Being a loyal, tax-paying supporter
of our own Receiver of Revenue in Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the ‘endless stream of crapulent whining and
Johannesburg, I have adapted the soliciting vomited daily into your email Inbox’ has been noted. However, whilst I have
letter for use in South Africa should our naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their
Receiver, one day, need it to send to an being from ‘councils run by halfwits, pirate banking houses and Mickey Mouse organisations
abusive, whinging taxpayer. and Singapore and its annual intake of 370 000 cases of Johnny Walker Black Label".
such as Eskom’ might indicate that your decision to ‘ le the printouts next to the toilet in
case of emergencies’ is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it
is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as ‘something that needs watering
once a day’ or, come to that, as ‘some wretched charity’ . More likely they see you as a citizen
of South Africa with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of our nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion
that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the light- ngered, blighted, toppling folly that is
South Africa's Public Service", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of
the notion that the government in any way expects you, personally, to " nance the whole
leading party-run government with its 26 000 BMWs, its family shopping forays in Dubai

The estimates you provide for the Department of Finance's disbursement of the funds
levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little o the mark.

Less than you seem to imagine is spent on ‘junkets for the brain dead’ , ‘Youth League binge
parties’ and ‘cabinet ministers' overseas holidays’ - and far more than you have accounted
for is allocated to, for example, ‘that crumbling parody of an education system’ .
A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:

of the email system.
1. The reason we don't simply write ‘Sucker’ in the subject line has to do with the inadequacies

2. You can rest assured that ‘mercilessly extracting the last microgram of esh from those
with nothing else to give’ has never been considered as a practice because the sheer
medical logistics involved would make it nancially unviable.
I trust this has helped

In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to in uence your decision one way or
the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give up the whole corrupt
lunatic asylum and go and live in Perth or Sydney with the rest of South Africa's professional
class" you would still owe us the money.
Please send it to us within 7 days.
Yours sincerely,
Gapa ka Moka
Customer Care
Receiver of Revenue

www.ashleyfurniturehomestores.co.za | Centurion | Tel: 012 749 3100

Fourways Gardens • 36 • October 2020