Page 42 - Fourways Gardens February 2021

Humour

the sKinfLint saga

B y Ja M es c larke

ome time back, i wrote about my Then she said, (Cough. Cough) “Do you know "1926?" she said.
secretary, threnody higginbottom. what day it is?" "What?" i said. "What! how old do you think
(I call her “Miss Smith” around the "i suggest you consult the nearest calendar," I am?" (I was barely into my 50s).
soffice.) This prompted a reader, i said coolly. she thought for a long time and said: "sixty?"
desiree, to email and say i sounded like a (Cough. Cough.) "It's Bosses’ Day! And, well, "What?" i exploded.
“real meanie”. on secretaries' day, you took me to lunch. "sorry, sir, am i a bit out?"
how she can say that? my mother said i should take yoU to lunch "a bit out! you're 10 years out!"
today!" "You're 70!"
i had described in this column how i took this greatly curbed the appetite which until
threnody to bobo’s bistro for secretaries i swivelled my boss's chair around and tilted then had been shouting up from below for
day. oK, it’s not exactly the poshest of it in an executive-like way to observe her crème broulet. although threnody was still
restaurants but it does have genuine more clearly. i noticed she had had her hair on her first glass of wine, the bottle was
recycled plastic tablecloths and metal, done. empty. i ordered another and toasted her
rather than plastic, cutlery not to mention "yoU? take me to lunch?" then, narrowing dear, sweet old mum.
a rather striking mural of the bay of naples the eyes, i asked, "Where?"
for one to gaze at. "Well, not bobo’s where you took me for threnody ate with surprising energy while
desiree’s comment was uncalled for and secretaries' day last year. When i told my i traced for her my writing career from
i think it only fair that i relate another side mom i was thinking of taking you there she standard two. i was about to tell her – with
of the story. Listen to what happened to me nearly had a fit. she said i should take you to due modesty – how one of my compositions
on bosses’ day. La maison Cuisine." nearly won third prize but was interrupted
"but that's expensive!" by the arrival of the bill. threnody, without
it began with threnody hovering near my "my mother gave me some money." looking at it, folded a R50 note inside it and
desk first thing in the morning. "Well, why are you standing there? have you replaced it in the folder.
i said, "Can’t you see i’m busy?” booked? i mean, they could be full!" "that won't be enough!" i said, thoroughly
Usually, at this time, she is chatting to her and so i found myself at La maison Cuisine alarmed.
mother on the phone or slopping tea in ordering extra-large huitres and roti carnard "that's all my mother gave me! my mother
my saucer. she looked at my screen for a a l'orange with une bouteille de vin rouge and said 'R50 should be enough for that old
second and said, (Cough. Cough.) “If you waving the fork around as i told threnody skinfli... for your dear old boss'."
move the four of clubs over to there it will of my life and how i had started out after I had to pay the R725.45 balance and still
release the five of hearts..." leaving school with just a bicycle (albeit part with a 50c tip.
a three-speed one) and when I became back at the office, feeling somewhat put
those who have played solitaire on their an intrepid reporter i was able to afford a out, i googled in vain for the word "skinfli".
computer and get it to work out will know 12-speed bicycle... hungarian, i suppose. even scandinavian.
the glow of satisfaction, the burst of pride, "What year was that?" she asked. threnody, on the other hand, was humming
the ecstasy... "you tell me," i suggested. a little tune – the effects, no doubt, of the vin.

Fourways Gardens • 40 • February 2021