Page 46 - Fourways Gardens March 2021

Humour

the

MiGhtY

APies

B y Ja M es c larke

A I am not saying that Pretoria does NOT ”Then cross the Mighty Apies where
computer shop recently tried to
straddle the Apies. It definitely does. And
interest me in an encyclopaedia
Churchill crossed after escaping the Boers!”
on a DVD. To test its usefulness I
(No need to mention one might need to
the Apies is indeed a river. It is even deep
asked the assistant to ‘pull up’ (as
bridge). ”From here the expedition strikes
we aficionados say in our special computer enough for fish in one or two places. It remove one’s shoes and socks or use the
rises near the café in Fountains Valley and
language) the subject of ‘Pretoria’. then goes past the city hall in a concrete north towards the centre of South Africa's
culvert. It does not really go anywhere famed capital!” (No need to mention it is
Very quickly he had a map of South Africa on before ending in the Pienaars River, still only a few hundred metres further on).
the screen with the flag flying in the breeze within Pretoria. ”Like Budapest, London, Paris and
and I dutifully snapped to attention as it Penzihnskya Buba, Pretoria straddles a busy
played some bars of our national anthem. I believe Pretoria should trade on the waterway!” (It is indeed busy - there are
Then it imparted a couple of hundred words reputation that has been bestowed upon always whirligig beetles buzzing round its
about Pretoria. Strictly speaking, between its Apies River. I have suggested to the surface and you should just hear the frogs
you and me, this is about all Pretoria is city's tourist office on the Left Bank that at night!)
worth but you don't have to listen to me the Apies is worthy of being featured as
because I am from Greater Johannesburg - a great tourist attraction. This little river “The more adventurous can press on with
a 10 000 word metropolis - and very biased. has the distinction of being a tributary of their trackers, beyond the city centre. Watch
the mighty Limpopo and its name refers out for lion and elephant! From here you
What grabbed my attention was this: to the little vervet monkey, a species can see the Big Five!” (This is because the
”Pretoria is built on both banks of the Apies whose males are something of a tourist river, now flowing through a storm water
River in the foothills of the Magaliesberg”. attraction in themselves on account of culvert, passes through Pretoria Zoo.)
Oh wow! It sounds like a mixture of Rome and their bright blue parts.
Karen Blixen's farm in Africa. But, in truth, the “... so, as we say farewell to the tall giraffe
Magaliesberg is still saving up for foothills We can use the river’s reputation to offer and wildebeest, our safari goes on to
and, as for the Apies, it is a small stream which the world a REAL AFRICAN ADVENTURE! meet the Mighty Pienaar’s River. The
one can step across in several places. We can invite tourists to ”Come to more adventurous can cut across to the
Pretoria and journey along one of Africa's mysterious Lost City of the late Sun King,
Ever since Winston Churchill, as an escaped most famous rivers, the Mighty Apies! Sol.”
prisoner during the Boer War, had to Begin at its source in the mysterious
‘negotiate’ the Apies (as a historian put it), Fountains Valley where the big cats hunt TARIFF: Excluding reasonably-priced
this stream has been considered by those by moonlight.” (The cats, 'Rufus' and beads and salt for trading, and buns for the
who have never seen it, to be a mighty river 'Tibby-tats', are owned by the lady in the elephants, the safari costs a mere US$5099.
- perhaps not as mighty as the Nile, but tea-room and they hunt mice. And they Half price for students.
mighty all the same. ARE big.) DRESS: Smart casual.

Fourways Gardens • 44 • March 2021