Page 46 - FWG Issue 11 December 2021

Humour

class distinction

and casheW nuts

B y James c lar K e

We travel writers
sometimes travel,
courtesy of an airline,

business class or even
better. When booked
economy class –
where we are seated
most of the time –

we live in hope of an
upgrade which we
occasionally get.

I feeling of superiority when elevated to the class cashew nuts among the peanut-eaters
normally feel a little guilty travelling
business class or first class. It’s the curtain
front section, which might even begin in the
in economy class, but I suppose this would
simply cause an unseemly scramble –
that does it. The curtain in an airliner is
terminal itself as I crash my trolley through
the world’s most unsubtle class barrier. At
carpeted, less-pressured business and first
take-off, the curtain that divides business or the economy class queues up to the red- possibly even a mid-air riot.
first class from those travelling economy is class flower-bedecked check-in desk. Here, British Airways sensitively calls economy
always left open. This is so that, if the take-off they place bright red PRIORITY labels on my class ‘tourist class’. Virgin Atlantic, waggling
is not to everybody’s satisfaction – let’s say bags and, with deep respect, direct me to two fingers at the poor, calls its luxury
the plane lands up in a cabbage field – the the Business Lounge. There are armchairs section, ‘upper class’, clearly inferring that
poor in economy class can use the business in the Business Lounge and one gets free those on the wrong side of the curtain are
or first class exit, which I think is really jolly snacks and drinks, and I sometimes have ‘lower class’. I travelled upper class on Virgin
sporting of the people up front. to be restrained. This agreeable feeling once but all the time I knew, in my heart of
wells up again when I am ushered into the hearts, that although those in the lower class
One always knows when the crew is happy front section of the aircraft where they offer looked inferior, some could quite possibly
with the take-off because a stewardess French champagne and a hot towel before have been my equal, or nearly so.
immediately snaps the curtain closed, thus take-off.
separating the hoi polloi from the upper On one of our ten cycling tours across
crust. Sometimes I wonder how I’ll ever be able to Europe, (Tour de Farce IX), we flew in BA’s
descend again to the level of my family. ‘intermediate class’, which mercifully gives
The curtain also, no doubt, avoids unseemly extra legroom and one of the team told me
clashes between the haves and the One shouldn’t feel guilty of course. After all, of a luxurious flight he experienced when
have-nots by preventing a deep sense of it’s not just you who is getting a free ride. he flew with Pérez de Cuéllar, the former UN
deprivation building up in economy class Nobody in business class or first class is chief, to Angola, in the secretary-general’s
as they see passengers up front relaxing in paying. Businessmen charge the fare to the private 707 attended by a bevy of Iberian
enormous recliners being spoilt rotten by air company and politicians and officials have Airlines air hostesses – “Ten females to each
hostesses serving mouth-watering cuisine their fares paid by the taxpayers sitting at male passenger”.
accompanied by silver cutlery. the back. But sometimes, when in business
class, I am overcome with compassion and a I could handle that, even if there were no
All the same, I must admit to a definite strong desire to scatter my superior business cashew nuts.

Fourways Gardens • 44 • December 2021