Page 46 - Fourways Gardens May 2021

Humour

terrierS,

not

poodLeS!

B y Jam E s Clark E
I
must have mentioned Maltese dogs
in my column recently because the
Lloyd family has emailed to say I must
stop describing Maltese as poodles.
The Lloyds were reacting to something I
wrote about Maltese dogs and asked me to
correct a common belief that Maltese are
poodles. They are, the Lloyds say, terriers.

"Poodles are in a class of their own, both
in intelligence and in agility," says Renate
Lloyd and she sent me this quote from
Rita Rudner: I wonder if other dogs think
poodles are members of a weird religious
cult?

This was followed by a whole list of quotes
about dogs:
"Outside of a dog, a book is probably
man's best friend, and inside of a dog, it's
too dark to read." – Groucho Marx
"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence
the constant popularity of dogs." – Aldous
Huxley
"In dog years, I'm dead" – Unknown
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget
why you walked in? I think that is how
dogs spend their lives." – Sue Murphy
"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are
cowards who haven't got the guts to bite
people themselves." – August Strindberg
"Ever consider what they must think of "The average dog is a nicer person than I've seen this done on TV.
us? I mean, here we come back from a the average person." – Andrew A. Rooney These are the safe kind of mushrooms.
grocery store with the most amazing haul "Things that upset a terrier may pass I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
– chicken, pork, half a cow. They must virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane." – This doesn't taste right.
think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" Smiley Blanton Nice doggie.
– Anne Tyler "I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly I can do that with my eyes closed.
"Don't accept your dog's admiration vanishing look of amazed contempt, and Duck? What duck?
as conclusive evidence that you are I am convinced that, basically, dogs think That's odd.
wonderful." – Ann Landers humans are nuts." – John Steinbeck Don't be so superstitious.
"Women and cats will do as they please Now, watch this. Ooooooooooooooooooo!
and men and dogs should relax and get FAMOUS LAST WORDS
used to the idea." – Robert A. Heinlein Here’s another list – it’s a list of famous last I love unintentional humour. One often
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like words: finds examples in advertisements. Like
a puppy licking your face." – Ben Williams Ah cute! I wonder where mummy lion is. these two newspaper advertisements for
"Whoever said you can't buy happiness What does this button do? a charity event:
forgot about little puppies." – Gene Hill Are you sure the power is off? Alzheimer's Centre – Tonight's film: "An
"Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done The odds of that happening have to be a Affair to Remember".
wrong, always try to make it look like the million to one! Tonight's Talk: "Leprosy in the 20th
dog did it." -- Unknown Pull the pin and count to what? Century". Finger supper will follow.

Fourways Gardens • 44 • May 2021