Page 42 - Fourways Gardens September 2021

Humour

THE LOST OppORTUNITY

B y James cL a R ke iSTOCK: mihtiander

t was one of those glorious sunny spring Mert would have explained how she The Kiss would have been broadcast on
days on the Highveld with the scent of was taking her dog, Pericles III, to the 340 megahertz or megacycles, whatever,
jasmine in the air. She was standing vet because he was really very sick and to all neighbours and friends.
Ithere at the side of the busy road, nut Pericles III would have verified this by
brown and dressed in little more than dumping his stomach contents on the Then Mert would have told Selwyn that
a wisp of a sundress that the capricious back seat. she had to be in Sandton for an audition
morning breeze held against her slim but for a modelling job by 11am and Selwyn,
shapely body. Mert would have explained how she was already two hours late, would have
taking ‘Perry’ to a veterinary doctor friend decided he might as well be hanged for a
At her sandaled feet was what sub- in Dinwiddie, Germiston, because he saw sheep as for a lamb and would then have,
accountant, Selwyn Millburton B.Com, at to Perry’s medical needs for nothing. impetuously, offered to drive Mert there.
first took to be dilapidated luggage. But as
he drove past he realised it was in fact a As long as Selwyn could drop her off in And she would have landed the job and
large, shaggy dog. downtown she would find her way from introduced Selwyn to her new employer
there. But Selwyn could not bear to think who would instantly have offered Selwyn
He also realised the young woman was of this helpless girl dragging her sick dog R100 000 a week to model men’s yachting
thumbing a lift. to the East Rand so he would certainly outfits with Mert in Santorini and
have offered to drive her there despite Veracruz.
He thought for a moment of stopping the fact that that would make him late for
because if ever he had seen a maiden in work and Mr Grantham, his boss, would By now badly in need of money because
distress this was it. Selwyn always thought give him one of those looks. of petrol costs and steam-cleaning the
of stopping to give people lifts but usually, car’s interior, and probably having lost his
by the time he had worked out the Selwyn would have helped her deposit job anyway, Selwyn would have become
complications that could arise, he was 5km the dog on the pavement outside the vet swept up in a world of big money,
away. And to stop suddenly in rush hour and she would have thrown her slender yachts, gorgeous girls, champagne, and
traffic would cause a traffic shunt clean brown arms around his neck and given peppermint-flavoured toothpicks.
across Randburg, extending north as far as him a long, warm kiss full of affection
Sidi-bel-Abbes Ext 34. and gratitude – just as Mrs Herming, None of this would have thrilled his wife,
Selwyn’s next door neighbour, drove Millicent, or his Mum.
Selwyn realised that, had he stopped for past. Although nobody ever drives to
her, she would have gratefully sunk into the Dinwiddie early in the morning (they Anyway, Selwyn reached his office that
passenger seat beside him and told him her only drive from there), on this occasion morning spot on time, as usual. And as
name was Mert. Selwyn never could resist Mrs Herming would have been attending Mr Grantham greeted him with his usual
girls whose names began with M, or even N a course round the corner from the vet on nod, Selwyn would have sighed a great
and P for that matter, and also S and T. Advanced Gossiping and within the hour shuddering sigh of relief.

Fourways Gardens • 40 • September 2021