Page 34 - FWG_Issue 1_Feb_2022

Humour

How much do I cost?
love iS in

the ear

B y James c larke

ver the years, readers have sent
me children's sayings deserving
of immortality - like, "Love is in
Othe ear".

Last week, I was told of a teacher reading
the story, The Three Little Pigs. She came to
the part where the first pig went up to a
man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and
said, "Pardon me sir, but might I have some
of that straw to build my house with?"

The teacher asked, "And what do you think
that man said?"
A boy raised his hand: "I know! I know! He IMAGE: iStock _FamVeld
said 'Holy smokes! A talking pig!'"

The late Nita Ebelin of Kelvin, Sandton, for
years collected the funny, absurd and wise Lenny, obviously impressed, said nothing Liza recited: "Lord, why on earth did I
things children said and put them into a but he stopped talking about the invite all these people to dinner?"
book entitled How Much Do I Cost? which impending event.
is long out of print. I was pleased to come The teacher, worried, finally sat him on her My favourite is about a teacher giving
across a copy in a second-hand bookshop. lap and said, “Lenny, whatever became the basics about the blood's circulation.
Nita was mainly inspired by her own of that baby brother or sister you were He said, "If I stand on my head, the blood,
children and her two grandchildren, Dani expecting at home?” as you know, will run into my head and I
(9) and Yoni (7). In fact Dani, unknowingly, Lenny burst into tears and confessed, “I will turn red in the face. But, while I am
supplied the title: she was being weighed think Mommy ate it!” standing upright, the blood doesn't run
as a toddler and watched the dial settle. She into my feet. Why?"
asked, "How much do I cost?" Some sayings in Nita’s book are from other Long silence. Then a youngster says,
sources, including from my old newspaper "Cause your feet aren't empty."
A lot of other children were immortalised in column, Stoep Talk. There was Nancy (4) for
Nita's book. instance, reciting the Lord's Prayer... "and GOOD QUESTION
lead us not into temptation but deliver us Blame Dr Hugh Cobb for the following:
Faye (5) told a friend, "I've just had chicken some e-mail. Amen." At the Henry Street Hebrew School, New
pox". The friend said, "I had fish fingers." York, Goldblatt finished the lesson.
I liked the one about Ben (6) who was "Mr Goldblatt," said little Joey, "there's
And hyperactive Jason (8), on medication most intrigued by Yom Kippur, the Jewish somethin' I can't figger. Accordin' to the
to control his hyperactivity, came home and holy day when people fast the whole day. Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the
announced, "The Ritalin worked. I didn't hit His Jewish mother explained to him that Red Sea, right?"
anybody today." she was allowed to eat only after the sun "Right."
had gone down. An hour later Ben comes "An' the Children of Israel beat up the
One of the most poignant anecdotes rushing indoors: "Mom, quickly! The sun Philistines, right?"
recounted by Nita illustrates how careful has gone behind the clouds - you can sneak "Well . . . OK."
one must be in explaining something to a a little snack." "An' the Children of Israel built the
child. I’ll quote directly from Nita’s book: Temple; an' the Children of Israel fought
For weeks Lenny, aged six, kept telling And Liza - she was asked to say grace before the 'gyptians; an' the Children of Israel
his first grade teacher about the baby dinner but was overawed by the presence fought the Romans - the Children of Israel
brother or sister that was expected at his of her parents' friends. "I don't know what wuz always doin' somethin' important.
house. One day his mother allowed him to say," she said. Right?"
to feel her tummy and the movements of "Just say what you hear me say," her "Right. So what's your question, Joey?"
the unborn child. mother said. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin'?"

Fourways Gardens • 32 • February 2022