Page 34 - Irene Farm Village 12 2021

Humour

cLaSS DiStinction

anD caSheW nutS

BY JAMES CLARKE

We travel writers sometimes
travel, courtesy of an

airline, business class or
even better. When booked

economy class – where
we are seated most of the
time – we live in hope

of an upgrade which we
occasionally get.

normally feel a little guilty travelling the front section, which might even superior business class cashew nuts
business class or first class. It’s the begin in the terminal itself as I crash among the peanut-eaters in economy
I curtain that does it. The curtain in my trolley through the economy class class, but I suppose this would simply
an airliner is the world’s most unsubtle queues up to the red-carpeted, less- cause an unseemly scramble – possibly
class barrier. At take-off, the curtain pressured business and first class even a mid-air riot.
that divides business or first class from flower-bedecked check-in desk. Here, British Airways sensitively calls
those travelling economy is always left they place bright red PRIORITY labels on economy class ‘tourist class’. Virgin
open. This is so that, if the take-off is my bags and, with deep respect, direct Atlantic, waggling two fingers at the
not to everybody’s satisfaction – let’s me to the Business Lounge. There are poor, calls its luxury section, ‘upper
say the plane lands up in a cabbage armchairs in the Business Lounge and class’, clearly inferring that those on
field – the poor in economy class can one gets free snacks and drinks, and I the wrong side of the curtain are ‘lower
use the business or first class exit, sometimes have to be restrained. This class’. I travelled upper class on Virgin
which I think is really jolly sporting of agreeable feeling wells up again when once but all the time I knew, in my
the people up front. I am ushered into the front section of heart of hearts, that although those in
One always knows when the crew the aircraft where they offer French the lower class looked inferior, some
is happy with the take-off because champagne and a hot towel before could quite possibly have been my
a stewardess immediately snaps the take-off. equal, or nearly so.
curtain closed, thus separating the hoi Sometimes I wonder how I’ll ever be On one of our ten cycling tours
polloi from the upper crust. able to descend again to the level of my across Europe, (Tour de Farce IX), we
The curtain also, no doubt, avoids family. flew in BA’s ‘intermediate class’, which
unseemly clashes between the haves One shouldn’t feel guilty of course. mercifully gives extra legroom and one
and the have-nots by preventing a deep After all, it’s not just you who is getting of the team told me of a luxurious flight
sense of deprivation building up in a free ride. Nobody in business class he experienced when he flew with
economy class as they see passengers or first class is paying. Businessmen Pérez de Cuéllar, the former UN chief,
up front relaxing in enormous recliners charge the fare to the company and to Angola, in the secretary-general’s
being spoilt rotten by air hostesses politicians and officials have their fares private 707 attended by a bevy of
serving mouth-watering cuisine paid by the taxpayers sitting at the Iberian Airlines air hostesses – “Ten
accompanied by silver cutlery. back. But sometimes, when in business females to each male passenger”.
All the same, I must admit to a definite class, I am overcome with compassion I could handle that, even if there
feeling of superiority when elevated to and a strong desire to scatter my were no cashew nuts.

32 • Issue 12 2021 • The Villager