Page 30 - The Villager May 2021

Humour

TERRIERS,

NOT pOOdLES!

BY JAMES CLARKE

must have mentioned Maltese dogs
in my column recently because the
Llo
I yd family has emailed to say I
must stop describing Maltese as poodles.
The Lloyds were reacting to something I
wrote about Maltese dogs and asked me
to correct a common belief that Maltese
are poodles. They are, the Lloyds say, of us? I mean, here we come back from FAMOUS LAST WORDS
terriers. a grocery store with the most amazing Here’s another list – it’s a list of famous last
haul – chicken, pork, half a cow. They words:
“Poodles are in a class of their own, must think we’re the greatest hunters on Ah cute! I wonder where mummy lion is.
both in intelligence and in agility,” says earth!” – Anne Tyler What does this button do?
Renate Lloyd and she sent me this quote “Don’t accept your dog’s admiration Are you sure the power is off?
from Rita Rudner: I wonder if other dogs as conclusive evidence that you are The odds of that happening have to be
think poodles are members of a weird wonderful.” – Ann Landers a million to one!
religious cult? “Women and cats will do as they please Pull the pin and count to what?
and men and dogs should relax and get I’ve seen this done on TV.
This was followed by a whole list of used to the idea.” – Robert A. Heinlein These are the safe kind of mushrooms.
quotes about dogs: “There is no psychiatrist in the world I’ll hold it and you light the fuse.
“Outside of a dog, a book is probably like a puppy licking your face.” – Ben This doesn’t taste right.
man’s best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s Williams Nice doggie.
too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx “Whoever said you can’t buy happiness I can do that with my eyes closed.
“To his dog, every man is Napoleon; forgot about little puppies.” – Gene Hill Duck? What duck?
hence the constant popularity of dogs.” – “Cat’s Motto: No matter what you’ve That’s odd.
Aldous Huxley done wrong, always try to make it look Don’t be so superstitious.
“In dog years, I’m dead.” – Unknown like the dog did it.” – Unknown Now, watch this. Ooooooooooooooooo!
“Did you ever walk into a room and “The average dog is a nicer person than
forget why you walked in? I think that the average person.” – Andrew A. Rooney I love unintentional humour. One often
is how dogs spend their lives.” – Sue “Things that upset a terrier may pass finds examples in advertisements. Like
Murphy virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.” – these two newspaper advertisements for
“I loathe people who keep dogs. They Smiley Blanton charity events:
are cowards who haven’t got the guts “I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly Alzheimer’s Centre – Tonight’s film: “An
to bite people themselves.” – August vanishing look of amazed contempt, and Affair to Remember”.
Strindberg I am convinced that, basically, dogs think Tonight’s Talk: “Leprosy in the 20th
“Ever consider what they must think humans are nuts.” – John Steinbeck Century”. Finger supper will follow.

28 • Issue 5 2021 • The Villager