Page 34 - The Villager September 2021

Humour

tHe loSt

opportunitY

BY JAMeS CLARke

t was one of those glorious sunny was taking her dog, Pericles III, to the within the hour The Kiss would have
spring days on the Highveld with vet because he was really very sick and been broadcast on 340 megahertz
Ithe scent of jasmine in the air. She Pericles III would have verified this by or megacycles, whatever, to all
was standing there at the side of the dumping his stomach contents on the neighbours and friends.
busy road, nut brown and dressed in back seat. Then Mert would have told Selwyn
little more than a wisp of a sundress Mert would have explained how that she had to be in Sandton for an
that the capricious morning breeze she was taking ‘Perry’ to a veterinary audition for a modelling job by 11am
held against her slim but shapely body. doctor friend in Dinwiddie, Germiston, and Selwyn, already two hours late,
At her sandaled feet was what sub- because he saw to Perry’s medical would have decided he might as well
accountant, Selwyn Millburton B.Com, needs for nothing. be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb and
at first took to be dilapidated luggage. As long as Selwyn could drop her off would then have, impetuously, offered
But as he drove past he realised it was in downtown she would find her way to drive Mert there.
in fact a large, shaggy dog. from there. But Selwyn could not bear And she would have landed the job
He also realised the young woman to think of this helpless girl dragging and introduced Selwyn to her new
was thumbing a lift. her sick dog to the East Rand so he employer who would instantly have
He thought for a moment of would certainly have offered to drive offered Selwyn R100 000 a week to
stopping because if ever he had seen her there despite the fact that that model men’s yachting outfits with Mert
a maiden in distress this was it. Selwyn would make him late for work and Mr in Santorini and Veracruz.
always thought of stopping to give Grantham, his boss, would give him By now badly in need of money
people lifts but usually, by the time one of those looks. because of petrol costs and steam-
he had worked out the complications Selwyn would have helped her cleaning the car’s interior, and probably
that could arise, he was 5km away. And deposit the dog on the pavement having lost his job anyway, Selwyn
to stop suddenly in rush hour traffic outside the vet and she would have would have become swept up in a
would cause a traffic shunt clean across thrown her slender brown arms around world of big money, yachts, gorgeous
Randburg, extending north as far as his neck and given him a long, warm girls, champagne, and peppermint-
Sidi-bel-Abbes Ext 34. kiss full of affection and gratitude – flavoured toothpicks.
Selwyn realised that, had he stopped just as Mrs Herming, Selwyn’s next None of this would have thrilled his
for her, she would have gratefully sunk door neighbour, drove past. Although wife, Millicent, or his Mum.
into the passenger seat beside him and nobody ever drives to Dinwiddie Anyway, Selwyn reached his office
told him her name was Mert. Selwyn early in the morning (they only drive that morning spot on time, as usual.
never could resist girls whose names from there), on this occasion Mrs And as Mr Grantham greeted him with
began with M, or even N and P for that Herming would have been attending his usual nod, Selwyn would have
matter, and also S and T. a course round the corner from the sighed a great shuddering sigh of
Mert would have explained how she vet on Advanced Gossiping and relief.

32 • Issue 9 2021 • The Villager