Page 34 - The Villager September 2021
P. 34

Humour



                   tHe loSt


            opportunitY



                           BY JAMeS CLARke























               t was one of those glorious sunny   was taking her dog, Pericles III, to the   within the hour  The Kiss would have
               spring days on the Highveld with   vet because he was really very sick and   been broadcast on 340 megahertz
            Ithe scent of jasmine in the air. She   Pericles III would have verified this by   or megacycles, whatever, to all
            was standing there at the side of the   dumping his stomach contents on the   neighbours and friends.
            busy road, nut brown and dressed in   back seat.                     Then Mert  would have told Selwyn
            little more than a wisp of a sundress   Mert would have explained how   that she had to be in Sandton for an
            that the capricious morning breeze   she was taking ‘Perry’ to a veterinary   audition for a modelling job by 11am
            held against her slim but shapely body.  doctor friend in Dinwiddie, Germiston,   and Selwyn, already two hours late,
              At her sandaled feet was what sub-  because he saw to Perry’s medical   would have decided he might as well
            accountant, Selwyn Millburton B.Com,   needs for nothing.          be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb and
            at first took to be dilapidated luggage.   As long as Selwyn could drop her off   would then have, impetuously, offered
            But as he drove past he realised it was   in downtown she would find her way   to drive Mert there.
            in fact a large, shaggy dog.      from there. But Selwyn could not bear   And she would have landed the job
              He also realised the young woman   to think of this helpless girl dragging   and introduced Selwyn to her new
            was thumbing a lift.              her sick dog to the East Rand so he   employer who would instantly have
              He thought for a moment of      would certainly have offered to drive   offered Selwyn R100 000 a week to
            stopping because if ever he had seen   her there despite the fact that that   model men’s yachting outfits with Mert
            a maiden in distress this was it. Selwyn   would make him late for work and Mr   in Santorini and Veracruz.
            always thought of stopping to give   Grantham, his boss, would give him   By now badly in need of money
            people lifts but usually, by the time   one of those looks.        because of petrol costs and steam-
            he  had  worked  out  the  complications   Selwyn would have helped her   cleaning the car’s interior, and probably
            that could arise, he was 5km away. And   deposit the dog on the pavement   having lost his job anyway, Selwyn
            to stop suddenly in rush hour traffic   outside the vet and she would have   would have become swept up in a
            would cause a traffic shunt clean across   thrown her slender brown arms around   world of big money, yachts, gorgeous
            Randburg, extending north as far as   his neck and given him a long, warm   girls, champagne, and peppermint-
            Sidi-bel-Abbes Ext 34.            kiss full of affection and gratitude –   flavoured toothpicks.
              Selwyn realised that, had he stopped   just as Mrs Herming, Selwyn’s next   None of this would have thrilled his
            for her, she would have gratefully sunk   door neighbour, drove past. Although   wife, Millicent, or his Mum.
            into the passenger seat beside him and   nobody ever drives to Dinwiddie   Anyway, Selwyn reached his office
            told him her name was Mert. Selwyn   early  in  the  morning  (they  only  drive   that morning spot on time, as usual.
            never could resist girls whose names   from  there),  on  this  occasion  Mrs   And as Mr Grantham greeted him with
            began with M, or even N and P for that   Herming would have been attending   his usual nod, Selwyn would have
            matter, and also S and T.         a course round the corner from the   sighed a great shuddering sigh of
              Mert would have explained how she   vet on  Advanced  Gossiping  and   relief.


             32  •  Issue 9  2021  •  The Villager
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