Page 26 - IFV Issue 11 December 2024

Humour

TERRIERS, NOT POODLES!

BY JAMES CLARKE

must have mentioned Maltese dogs in my column recently to make it look like the dog did it.” -- Unknown
because the Lloyd family has emailed to say I must stop “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
I describing Maltese as poodles. The Lloyds were reacting - Andrew A. Rooney
to something I wrote about Maltese dogs and asked me to “Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by
correct a common belief that Maltese are poodles. They are, a Great Dane.” - Smiley Blanton
the Lloyds say, terriers. “I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of
“Poodles are in a class of their own, both in intelligence and amazed contempt, and I am convinced that, basically, dogs
in agility,” says Renate Lloyd and she sent me this quote from think humans are nuts.” - John Steinbeck
Rita Rudner: I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members
of a weird religious cult? FAMOUS LAST WORDS
Here’s another list – it’s a list of famous last words:
This was followed by a whole list of quotes about dogs: Ah cute! I wonder where mummy lion is.
“Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend, and What does this button do?
inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx Are you sure the power is off?
“To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
popularity of dogs.” - Aldous Huxley Pull the pin and count to what?
“In dog years, I’m dead.” - Unknown I’ve seen this done on TV.
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked These are the safe kind of mushrooms.
in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.” - Sue Murphy I’ll hold it and you light the fuse.
“I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t This doesn’t taste right.
got the guts to bite people themselves.” - August Strindberg Nice doggie.
“Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we I can do that with my eyes closed.
come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - Duck? What duck?
chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest That’s odd.
hunters on earth!” - Anne Tyler Don’t be so superstitious.
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence Now, watch this. Ooooooooooooooooooo!
that you are wonderful.” - Ann Landers
“Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs I love unintentional humour. One often finds examples in
should relax and get used to the idea.” - Robert A. Heinlein advertisements. Like these two newspaper advertisements for
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking charity events:
your face.” - Ben Williams Alzheimer’s Centre - Tonight’s film: “An Affair to
“Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about little Remember”.
puppies.” - Gene Hill Tonight’s Talk: “Leprosy in the 20th Century”. Finger
“Cat’s Motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try supper will follow.

24 • Issue 11 2024 • The Villager