Page 13 - IFV Issue 3_2024

Humour

VOTE FOR NAP – AND RELAX

BY JAMES CLARKE

espite the general election Threnody? Are you noting all this
at the end of May, local down? What? You’ve only got as far as
Dstatistics show that hundreds “tittle”? Yes, yes, it’s got three tees.
of thousands of South Africans don’t But who cares really? In fact, Threnody,
care about politics and will stay away you are so delightfully apathetic I shall
from the polls. Think tank organiser, make you general secretary of NAP.
Antony Trowbridge, pointed out to Congratulations!
me that there are so many apathetic What do you mean, “Who will lead the
people, that, logically they hold the party?”
balance of power. Have I not made myself clear? Was I
He said, “You must surely realise that? not L*E*A*D*E*R of the Yellow Six of the
So why doesn’t Densa launch a political 1st Streetly Boy Scouts between August
party for apathetic people?” 10, 1951 and September 3, 1951? Have
you forgotten I was L*E*A*D*E*R of the
Densa? PA (the Pedestrian Associations) who
He was referring to a club I formed in South Africa. fought the AA which doesn’t give a hoot
years ago for those of us too stupid The truth is, Threnody, most people for us pedestrians?
to get into Mensa – Mensa being the don’t give a jot or a tittle about politics.
international society for the highly Especially a tittle. NAP will need a man of my calibre.
intelligent. Next month’s elections will bring into
I shall call my party the National parliament even more unskilled labour
Threnody! THENODEEEE! Where is that Apathetics Party - NAP! than there is now. They will win their
girl? We’ll need a slogan. Not like the ANC. seats on lies and promises like, “One
Threnody is my secretary y’know. Files Just listen to theirs: “Together - fighting man, one Mercedes”. But I shall keep my
everything under M for Miscellaneous. for change”. That sounds like a load of promises, Threnody.
(Prolonged sound of running feet. passengers in Togetherness Tshabalala’s I shall promise to do nothing. I will just
Sound of tripping. Crash! Groan. taxi when he claims he’s run out of NAP.
Running feet resume.) change. The country can run itself. After all,
Ah, there you are Threnody! Have you Perhaps our motto could be, “Don’t there’s nothing a government can do
put the office teabag out to dry? Good worry - NAP!” that the public can’t do better.
girl! Waste not, want not. Yes, yes. I like that. Circularise all
Threnody, I have a letter here from a Densans and ask for ideas for our Another NAP slogan: “No solutions!
fellow whom (or even who) I am pretty manifesto. No problems!”
sure is from Mensa. He says that under We’ll organise a great rally at the
the auspices of Densa I should start a No, no. I’ve changed my mind. We FNB Stadium and members of NAP will
party … don’t want ideas. NAP won’t make any demonstrate their solidarity by not
(Sound of running again. They get decisions because the public is quite turning up. The empty stadium will
fainter and fainter.) Threnodeeee! capable of making stupid decisions demonstrate our resolve.
Where are you going? What? To hire a themselves without politicians helping. On Election Day, our success will be
jumping castle! No, no Threnody - not Anyway, as Trowbridge said, “Today’s gauged by the number of people who
THAT sort of party. political solutions become tomorrow’s don’t turn up to vote! Next month, just
He means a political party to fight problems”. watch Threnody! We’ll show ‘em!
next month’s elections. We will stage rallies so that the Threnody? Threnody?
He says what I have said so often - apathetics can demonstrate their Snnukkzzzzzx.
that I could, if I tried, become President solidarity by staying away – especially She’s fast asleep! My policy works! It
of South Africa and demonstrate to the on Election Day. They’ll stay home and works!
world that there is still some normality watch soccer on the telly instead. Not that anybody cares.

The Villager • Issue 3 2024 • 11