Page 27 - IFV Issue 7 July 2024

Humour

LOVE IS IN

THE EAR

BY JAMES CLARKE

ver the years, readers have
sent me children’s sayings
Odeserving of immortality -
like, “Love is in the ear”.
Last week, I was told of a teacher
reading the story, The Three Little Pigs.
She came to the part where the first pig
went up to a man with a wheelbarrow something to a child. I’ll quote directly presence of her parents’ friends. “I don’t
full of straw and said, “Pardon me sir, but from Nita’s book: For weeks Lenny, know what to say,” she said.
might I have some of that straw to build aged six, kept telling his first grade “Just say what you hear me say,” her
my house with?” teacher about the baby brother or mother said.
sister that was expected at his house. Liza recited: “Lord, why on earth did I
The teacher asked, “And what do you One day his mother allowed him to feel invite all these people to dinner?”
think that man said?” her tummy and the movements of the
A boy raised his hand: “I know! I know! unborn child. My favourite is about a teacher giving
He said ‘Holy smokes! A talking pig!’” Lenny, obviously impressed, said the basics about the blood’s circulation.
nothing but he stopped talking about He said, “If I stand on my head, the blood,
The late Nita Ebelin of Kelvin, Sandton, the impending event. as you know, will run into my head and
for years collected the funny, absurd The teacher, worried, finally sat him I will turn red in the face. But, while I am
and wise things children said and put on her lap and said, “Lenny, whatever standing upright, the blood doesn’t run
them into a book entitled, How Much became of that baby brother or sister into my feet. Why?”
Do I Cost? which is long out of print. you were expecting at home?” Long silence. Then a youngster says,
I was pleased to come across a copy Lenny burst into tears and confessed, “Cause your feet aren’t empty.”
in a second-hand bookshop. Nita was “I think Mommy ate it!”
mainly inspired by her own children and Some sayings in Nita’s book are from GOOD QUESTION
her two grandchildren, Dani (9) and Yoni other sources, including from my old Blame Dr Hugh Cobb for the following:
(7). In fact Dani, unknowingly, supplied newspaper column, Stoep Talk. There At the Henry Street Hebrew School,
the title: she was being weighed as a was Nancy (4) for instance, reciting the New York, Goldblatt finished the lesson.
toddler and watched the dial settle. She Lord’s Prayer... “and lead us not into “Mr Goldblatt,” said little Joey, “there’s
asked, “How much do I cost?” temptation but deliver us some e-mail. somethin’ I can’t figger. Accordin’ to the
Amen.” Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the
A lot of other children were immortalised Red Sea, right?”
in Nita’s book. I liked the one about Ben (6) who was “Right.”
Faye (5) told a friend, “I’ve just had most intrigued by Yom Kippur, the “An’ the Children of Israel beat up the
chicken pox”. The friend said, “I had fish Jewish holy day when people fast the Philistines, right?”
fingers.” whole day. His Jewish mother explained “Well . . . OK.”
And hyperactive Jason (8), on to him that she was allowed to eat only “An’ the Children of Israel built the
medication to control his hyperactivity, after the sun had gone down. An hour Temple; an’ the Children of Israel fought
came home and announced, “The Ritalin later Ben comes rushing indoors: “Mom, the ‘gyptians; an’ the Children of Israel
worked. I didn’t hit anybody today.” quickly! The sun has gone behind the fought the Romans - the Children
clouds - you can sneak a little snack.” of Israel wuz always doin’ somethin’
One of the most poignant anecdotes important. Right?”
recounted by Nita illustrates how And Liza - she was asked to say grace “Right. So what’s your question, Joey?”
careful one must be in explaining before dinner but was overawed by the “What wuz all the grown-ups doin’?”

The Villager • Issue 7 2024 • 25