Page 46 - 1

HUMOUR

WHAT'S IT

LIKE IN

HEAVEN? ZKRHYHU GLHG ÀUVW ZRXOG FRPH EDFN DQG LQIRUP WKH

other if there was indeed life after death –
if reincarnation was true.
BY JAMES CLARKE 7KH KXVEDQG ZDV WKH ÀUVW WR GLH DQG WUXH WR KLV ZRUG
made contact:
“Marion ... Marion?”
“Is that you, Bob?”
I “Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”
receive a lot of emails about heaven where, I
suppose, we all want to go. But, like Vosloosburg,
“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”
“Well, I get up in the morning, I make love. I then have
nobody is really sure where it is. And as I am away
at present frolicking on the beach in my Speedo
again, bask in the warm sun and then make love a
on the North Coast, I have some time to share some breakfast and then off to the golf course. I make love
of the stories about heaven sent to me by readers over couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you’d be
the years. proud – I eat lots of greens). Another romp around
the golf course, then pretty much making love for the
Long ago, says Des Adam in Bedfordview, a woman, rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to the golf
Ethel, went to a séance and managed to contact her course. Then a bit more hanky panky before I catch
husband. She called out in a tremulous voice, “Hello some much needed sleep. Next day, back on the golf
Bert, is that you?” course...”
“Yes dear.” “Oh, Bob, so you’re in Heaven?”
“Are you happy, Bert?” “No, I’m a rabbit on Dainfern Golf Course.”
“Yes dear.”
“Are you happier than when you were with me, Bert?” ARE THERE LAWYERS IN HEAVEN?
“Yes dear.” A teacher, a dustbin man and a lawyer reach heaven.
“Oh. (Somewhat hurt) Well, heaven must be a nice St Peter was in a bad mood for heaven was full. He
place then, hey?” said they must pass a test to get through the gates. He
“I’m not in heaven, Ethel.” asks the teacher, “What was the name of the ship that
hit an iceberg and sunk?”
Linda M Smith told me some time back about a couple The teacher says, “The Titanic”. St Peter lets him
– Myrtle and Joe - who had been married for over through.
50 years. Then Myrtle died. A couple of months later He turns to the dustbin man, and thinking his smell
Joe died. As Joe went through the Pearly Gates he saw PLJKW RIIHQG WKH DQJHOV KH DVNV D GLIÀFXOW RQH ´+RZ
Myrtle running towards him. Joe shouted, “Hold your many died on the Titanic?”
horses my dear! The deal was very clear: ‘Until death The dustbin man says: “1 228” and St Peter lets him
do us part’!” in.
St Peter then turns to the Lawyer: “Name them.”
This prompted a friend to send me another story about “Not just now, ta.”
heaven. He told me of a couple who made a deal that
Johannesburg city centre. A hot-gospeller is preaching
DERYH WKH VRXQG RI WUDIÀF ´5HSHQW \H VLQQHUV *LYH XS
that vile stuff you are drinking. Come and be saved. All
those who want to go to heaven stand over here.”
“You sir! Why be the odd one out? Come and join us.”
“Not intereshted!” says the tipsy hobo.
“You don’t want to go to heaven?”
“Nope!”
“So when you die, you want to rot in hell?”
“Oh, when I die? Thatsh different. I thought you were
making up a load right now.”

AVAILABLE from:
Bookshops in South Africa and UK
Recommended retail price: R395,00
PUBLISHED by:
So when you die, you
Partners in Publishing, Durban, 2018
want to rot in hell? ”
”

44 Kyalami Estates • CONNECT • Issue 1 • 2020