Page 31 - Kyalami Issue 4 December 2025

Kyalami Estates Corporate Brand Bible Design 26
3.0 Folder (Inner)
TODAY'S CHILD
What happens when we stop

fixing children and start

understanding them?

Kate’s late-identified ADHD sparked a deep The child flailing on
dive into the “why” behind behaviour. That the floor might also
curiosity became a master’s degree, BCBA be able to explain
certification and a practice built on compas- the laws of physics
sion and data instead of compliance and in Lego metaphors.
fear. Don’t confuse regu-
Nicola’s moment came through parenting— lation with intellect;
watching her own child live the same confu- they’re separate
sion she once did. It pushed her into gifted systems.
and twice-exceptional education and into
founding the NeuroParenting Hub, where 5. Support curiosity, not
parents can finally exhale and say, “Oh, this compliance. Curiosity
makes sense now.” is how brains fall in
love with learning.
Once they understood themselves, they Compliance just
stopped trying to fix children and started ends the argument.
trying to see them. If adults can make a
child want to know,
REFRAMING BEHAVIOUR: SEEING they’ve already won
BEYOND THE SURFACE half the battle—and
Kate and Nicola both learned that behaviour no one has to cry in
is rarely what it seems. What looks like the car afterwards.
defiance or disinterest is often communi-
cation in disguise. Kate reads behaviour as None of this needs perfec-
data — clues to environment, regulation and tion. It just needs adults
need. Nicola reads it as story — the human who can breathe, notice and
narrative beneath the surface. Together they remember that “doing your
show that once adults start reading the real best” looks different every
message, connection becomes possible. day—for them and for the
children they love.
BUILDING THE BRIDGE
This is where Kate and Nicola’s worlds
meet—data meets belonging. WHAT WOULD HAVE
Behavioural science gives structure; rela- HELPED THEM
tional education brings the heart. When they If someone had told Kate
work with schools and families, they trans- and Nicola sooner that
late between those languages until everyone their chaos had context,
is fluent in “child.” they might have spent
fewer years apologising for who they were.
It’s not theory. It’s the small, real stuff: a Understanding doesn’t rewrite the past, but ABOUT THE A UTHORS
parent taking a breath before correcting, a it softens it — and it changes what comes
teacher realising a child isn’t oppositional next. Kate La Trobe MSc, BCBA
but overwhelmed. Those tiny shifts change Behavioural Analyst, Early-Intervention & Fam-
everything. Now, every child they meet is a chance to ily-Support Specialist and Neurodiversity Con-
interrupt that old story, to swap “What’s sultant. Board-Certified through the BACB, Kate
FIVE TRUTHS THEY WISH EVERY wrong with you?” for “What’s happening for works across clinical and educational settings
ADULT KNEW you?” That single shift in language changes in South Africa and the UK, applying behavioural
1. Ask what need this behaviour meets. everything — for the child, for the adult, for science with compassion to support neurodiver-
Every behaviour meets something—a the space between them. gent learners and their families.
need, a fear, a frustration or just an
BY KATE LA TROBE MSC, BCBA AND NICOLA KILLOPS, EDUCATOR AND GIFTED & TWICE-EXCEPTIONAL SPECIALIST
escape from maths homework. If And that’s what drives them now: to •www.katelatrobe.com
adults jump straight to “stop that,” make a difference, one conversation, one •linkedin.com/in/kate-la-trobe
they miss the message. Curiosity is classroom, one family at a time — until
cheaper than punishment. understanding becomes the rule, not the Nicola Killops
exception.
2. Regulate before reasoning. When Educator, writer and Gifted & Twice-Exceptional
a child is overwhelmed, reasoning Because in the end, the kids they’re trying to Education Specialist, founder of the NeuroPar-
alone doesn't help. Calm first, talk help are the ones they once were. enting Hub and co-creator of the Render-Killops
later. It’s the emotional equivalent of THE CALL TO ACTION relational-education framework. Drawing on
putting on your own oxygen mask; no It’s time to stop fixing children and start lived experience as both teacher and parent of a
one learns while gasping for air. fixing the lens. The goal isn’t normality; it’s neurodivergent learner, Nicola creates strength-
3. Build sensory safety first. If the lights understanding. based tools and curricula that help children be
seen, supported and celebrated.
hum, the clothes itch or the noise hits
migraine territory, no sticker chart on Once you truly see a child, you can’t unsee •www.neuroparentinghub.co.za
earth will fix it. Comfort is the unsung them. And that moment — when recognition •tinyurl.com/the-neuroparenting-newsroom
hero of cooperation. replaces correction, when a child feels seen
rather than managed — that’s where every- •linkedin.com/in/nicola-killops-8398b1127
4. Assume competence, even in chaos. thing good begins.

Kyalami Estates • CONNECT • Issue 4 • 2025 29