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Waterfall humour

hoW AND WhEN

JEWELLERY cAughT oN

By James Clarke

Archaeologist, Brian stewart, of the

university of Michigan and his colleagues
have found ostrich eggshell beads in
southern Africa that date back at least

33 000 years. According to the American

Proceedings of the National Academy of
sciences, other examples of this form of
jewellery may date back 200 000 years.

IMAgES FRoM PIxABAy
I attach adornments - and oh, how she the teeth and claws with which to
have often pondered why women
adorn his beloved. Just as jewellery
like jewellery. If I could discover
loved adornments - were her ears,
what it is then somebody could
start working on an antidote. nose, lips, hair, neck, waist, upper costs today so finding one’s own
often cost an arm and a leg.
arms, lower arms, wrists, 10 fingers,
10 toes, ankles, calves and thighs.
There comes a time in every man's life This pursuit of dangerous and
when he has bought his wife just about But ostrich egg beads uncooperative animals naturally instilled
everything she needs... a scrubbing were not enough. a certain amount of unwillingness on
board, a carrot grater, spanners, drain With the advent of the dress she the part of the hunter and so women
cleaners and so on. And so, as they get now had new places on which had to become more conniving.
older, men are forced to start buying to attach pretty baubles.
jewellery, the sure-fire stand-by to please A typical female-to-female cave
the little woman. It is a sad stage of life. It needs a very little stretch of the conversation might have gone: "I've
imagination to understand how told ug that if he brings me back a
It has been said (Beano 1951) that adornments must have dramatically pair of tiger teeth earrings I'll make
women, long before they wore reshaped relationships between men him his favourite dish - warthog
clothes, were probably satisfied with and women. up until that point, the placenta garnished with caterpillars.
adorning themselves with ochre, mud primeval hunter, Ignatius ug (not If he fails, he'll have left-overs from
and stuff. Clothes came in when the his real name), would have taken an last night and the night before."
earliest couturiers hit on the idea of interest in animals mainly to get at
flattening out animal skins, scraping their innermost being (i.e. their liver "What did you cook last night?"
all the blood and fat off the inside and sirloin). Now, with the advent of
(couturiers, from the word go, were ever jewellery, things became more serious. "My grandmother.”
fussy) and then making a hole for the
female to shove her head through. Amelia-Anne ug, seeing her neighbour, Modern women have become even
geraldine Fothergill-Onk wearing a more inventive about jewellery. A
Wet and cold though the first dress warthog tusk through her cute little London store offers live, jewel-encrusted
was, the idea was a smash hit. nose, would want something equally beetles which can be tethered to a
chic, if not chicker. geraldine might well dress by gold chains. some women
What has this got to do with have flashed the odd lion tooth too. use miniature dogs for displaying their
jewellery? I am about to tell you. surplus diamonds and older women
ug now found himself having to have the ultimate adornment draped
until the dress was invented, the chase sabre-toothed cats, lions and over their forearm - a toy boy. Even
only places a woman had to hang or other non-edibles, simply to extract he wears earrings and gold chains.

36 Waterfall Issue 6 2020