Page 54 - Waterfall Issue 11 2021

Waterfall Humour

PERFORMAnCE-

EnHAnCing DRUgs

By James Clarke
i
have it from a very unreliable
source that Pfizer, buoyed by
the huge success of viagra, is
now researching a whole line
of drugs aimed at improving the
performance of men in other ways.

Here are some of them:
BUYAGRA – Married and otherwise
attached men reported they experienced
a sudden urge to buy their partners
flowers and little gifts after taking
this drug for only two days.
PROJECTRA – Men given this
experimental new drug were far more
likely to actually finish a household repair
project before starting a new one.
DIRECTRA – A dose of this drug given
to men before leaving on car trips
caused 72% of them to stop and ask
for directions when they got lost
compared with a control group where
only 0.2% asked for directions.
CHILDAGRA – Men taking this drug (You’ll never believe this stuff anyway.) • Guess what? Amanda’s got one of those
reported a sudden, overwhelming Things overheard in 1961: electric typewriters! Seriously! And she’s
urge to perform more child care • I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep getting almost R100 a month.
tasks, especially cleaning up going the way they are, it’s soon going • Gordon Forbes says Wimbledon tennis
spills and changing nappies. to be impossible to buy a week’s players should get at least R500 for
COMPLIMENTRA – In clinical trials, groceries for R15. playing in the finals.
82% of middle-aged men administered • They want to call Johannesburg’s • Have you seen the new Chevvy station
this drug noticed that their wives southwestern townships ‘verwoerdburg’. wagon? R1 200! Who’s going to pay that
had a new hairstyle. It’s currently Others say that, as the area is known as for heaven’s sake?
being tested to see if its effects Southwestern Township, it should be • We went to a restaurant last night – they
extend to noticing new clothing. called Soweto. That’ll never catch on, wanted R2.50 for 12 queen prawns! We
NEGA-SPORTAGRA – This drug had surely? ordered barracuda instead – R1.50. Our
the strange effect of making men • Do you think the police will ever catch favourite wine’s now 25c a bottle!
want to turn off televised sports this fellow, Nelson Mandela? • Do you know there are 100 computers
and actually chat with the family. • What’s all this about the Russians in South Africa? By next year there’ll be
CAPAGRA – Caused test subjects to walling off Berlin? another 20! And somebody predicts that
become uncharacteristically fastidious • I shouldn’t have bought this Mercedes NCRs R1 million room-sized computer
about lowering toilet seats and replacing – it cost almost R3 to fill it up this will be down to pocket-size one day and
toothpaste caps. Subjects on higher morning. sell for R10. Ha!
doses were seen dusting furniture. • Twenty-five cents a packet? One more • Do you like it? I paid R3.50 for the blouse
price rise and I’m giving up smoking! and R7.95 for the skirt at Foschini.
For adults only • I don’t believe that the bioscope • Our favourite Cape coast hotel now
The following is for grown-ups only. does kids any good. You hear film stars wants R30 a week for the two of us. We’ve
Everybody under the age of 50 can go openly say ‘bloody’ and ‘damn’. kids are cancelled, of course.
outside and play until I call you in again. bound to follow suit. (Ok kids, you can come inside now.)

52 Waterfall Issue 11 2021