Page 42 - Waterfall Issue 4 2021

Waterfall humour

ThE

MIGhTy

APIES

By James Clarke

A
computer shop recently
tried to interest me in a
DVD encyclopaedia. To
test its usefulness I asked
the assistant to ‘pull up’ (as we
aficionados say in our special computer
language) the subject of ‘Pretoria’.

Very quickly he had a map of South
Africa on the screen with the flag river. It is even deep enough for Churchill crossed after escaping the
flying in the breeze and I dutifully fish in one or two places. It rises Boers!” (No need to mention one
snapped to attention as it played some near the café in Fountains Valley might need to remove one’s shoes and
bars of our national anthem. Then it and then goes past the city hall in a socks or use the bridge). ”From here
imparted a couple of hundred words concrete culvert. It does not really the expedition strikes north towards
about Pretoria. Strictly speaking, go anywhere before ending in the the centre of South Africa's famed
between you and me, this is about all Pienaars River, still within Pretoria. capital!” (No need to mention it is only
Pretoria is worth but you don't have a few hundred metres further on).
to listen to me because I am from I believe Pretoria should trade on the ”Like Budapest, London, Paris and
Greater Johannesburg – a 10 000 reputation that has been bestowed Penzihnskya Buba, Pretoria straddles
word metropolis – and very biased. upon its Apies River. I have suggested a busy waterway!” (It is indeed busy
to the city's tourist office on the - there are always whirligig beetles
What grabbed my attention was this: Left Bank that the Apies is worthy buzzing round its surface and you
”Pretoria is built on both banks of being featured as a great tourist should just hear the frogs at night!)
of the Apies River in the foothills attraction. This little river has the
of the Magaliesberg”. distinction of being a tributary of “The more adventurous can press
Oh wow! It sounds like a mixture of the mighty Limpopo and its name on with their trackers, beyond the
Rome and karen Blixen's farm in Africa. refers to the little vervet monkey, a city centre. Watch out for lion and
But, in truth, the Magaliesberg is still species whose males are something elephant! From here you can see the
saving up for foothills and, as for the of a tourist attraction in themselves Big Five!” (This is because the river,
Apies, it is a small stream which one on account of their bright blue parts. now flowing through a storm water
can step across in several places. culvert, passes through Pretoria zoo.)
We can use the river’s reputation
Ever since Winston Churchill, as an to offer the world a REAL AFRICAN “... so, as we say farewell to the tall
escaped prisoner during the Boer ADVENTuRE! We can invite tourists to giraffe and wildebeest, our safari
War, had to ‘negotiate’ the Apies ”Come to Pretoria and journey along goes on to meet the Mighty Pienaar’s
(as a historian put it), this stream one of Africa's most famous rivers, River. The more adventurous can
has been considered by those who the Mighty Apies! Begin at its source cut across to the mysterious Lost
have never seen it, to be a mighty in the mysterious Fountains Valley City of the late Sun king, Sol.”
river - perhaps not as mighty as the where the big cats hunt by moonlight.”
Nile, but mighty all the same. (The cats, 'Rufus' and 'Tibby-tats', are TARIFF: Excluding reasonably-priced
owned by the lady in the tea-room and beads and salt for trading, and buns
I am not saying that Pretoria does they hunt mice. And they ARE big.) for the elephants, the safari costs a
NOT straddle the Apies. It definitely mere uS$5099. Half price for students.
does. And the Apies is indeed a ”Then cross the Mighty Apies where DRESS: Smart casual.

40 Waterfall Issue 4 2021