Page 50 - Waterfall Issue 9 2021

Waterfall Humour

THE LosT

oPPoRTuniTy

By James Clarke

i t was one of those glorious sunny Mert would have explained how Gossiping and within the hour The Kiss

she was taking her dog, Pericles III,
spring days on the Highveld with
would have been broadcast on 340
the scent of jasmine in the air. She
to all neighbours and friends.
very sick and Pericles III would have
was standing there at the side of to the vet because he was really megahertz or megacycles, whatever,
the busy road, nut brown and dressed verified this by dumping his stomach
in little more than a wisp of a sundress contents on the back seat. Then Mert would have told Selwyn that
that the capricious morning breeze held she had to be in Sandton for an audition
against her slim but shapely body. Mert would have explained how she was for a modelling job by 11am and Selwyn,
taking ‘Perry’ to a veterinary doctor friend already two hours late, would have
At her sandaled feet was what sub- in Dinwiddie, Germiston, because he saw decided he might as well be hanged for a
accountant, Selwyn Millburton B.Com, to Perry’s medical needs for nothing. sheep as for a lamb and would then have,
at first took to be dilapidated luggage. impetuously, offered to drive Mert there.
But as he drove past he realised it As long as Selwyn could drop her off
was in fact a large, shaggy dog. in downtown she would find her way And she would have landed the job
from there. But Selwyn could not bear and introduced Selwyn to her new
He also realised the young to think of this helpless girl dragging her employer who would instantly have
woman was thumbing a lift. sick dog to the East Rand so he would offered Selwyn R100 000 a week to
certainly have offered to drive her there model men’s yachting outfits with
He thought for a moment of stopping despite the fact that that would make Mert in Santorini and veracruz.
because if ever he had seen a maiden him late for work and Mr Grantham, his
in distress this was it. Selwyn always boss, would give him one of those looks. By now badly in need of money because
thought of stopping to give people lifts of petrol costs and steam-cleaning the
but usually, by the time he had worked Selwyn would have helped her car’s interior, and probably having lost his
out the complications that could arise, deposit the dog on the pavement job anyway, Selwyn would have become
he was 5km away. And to stop suddenly outside the vet and she would have swept up in a world of big money,
in rush hour traffic would cause a traffic thrown her slender brown arms yachts, gorgeous girls, champagne, and
shunt clean across Randburg, extending around his neck and given him a peppermint-flavoured toothpicks.
north as far as Sidi-bel-Abbes Ext 34. long, warm kiss full of affection and
gratitude – just as Mrs Herming, None of this would have thrilled
Selwyn realised that, had he stopped Selwyn’s next door neighbour, drove his wife, Millicent, or his Mum.
for her, she would have gratefully past. Although nobody ever drives
sunk into the passenger seat beside to Dinwiddie early in the morning Anyway, Selwyn reached his office that
him and told him her name was Mert. (they only drive from there), on this morning spot on time, as usual. And
Selwyn never could resist girls whose occasion Mrs Herming would have as Mr Grantham greeted him with his
names began with M, or even N and been attending a course round the usual nod, Selwyn would have sighed
P for that matter, and also S and T. corner from the vet on Advanced a great shuddering sigh of relief.

48 Waterfall Issue 9 2021