Page 46 - Waterfall_Issue 4_2022

Waterfall Humour

HOW COARSE

CAN ONE GET?

By James Clarke

T here’s the elegant art of fly for friends to patch up or next of kin

fishing where you don’t get your
to claim after the game is over.
hands dirty – and then there’s the
less elegant art of coarse fishing
using worms or pap mixed with gravy Some coarse rugby players love it
even when scrumming with a 700kg
one kept from a dinner last Wednesday. pack against a 1000kg Northern
Free State side, smelling strongly of
A cycling friend described cycle touring Klipdrift, that practices by scrumming
as ‘coarse cycling’ because the bikes against a John Deere tractor.
have fat tyres, bells and panniers In coarse rugby, it often takes a noisy
filled with comfort goods, whereas debate on the try line to decide if a
Sunday cycling when the executive try has been scored. This will involve
set ride great distances on weightless spectators, players and the ref.
cycles is elegant stuff – this is refined
cycling as opposed to coarse. PHOTO BY STICKER MULE, UNSPLASH Players might wander off the field
for a quick ‘dop’ or to punch a
There’s coarse tennis too. Coarse spectator. Some might wander off
tennis is played by small tennis clubs early to watch the end of a Currie
with worn-out balls and poorly Cup match and others might not
strung rackets that go ‘plunk’ instead Meet Ginger. Her favourite things include going wait for the final whistle before
of ‘POK’ when the ball is hit. fishing and riding in her mom’s bike basket. How becoming engrossed in scrambling
coarse can one get?
in the grass looking for their teeth.
Half a century ago, a friend, former
daily newspaper editor, Michael But to take Michael’s point Remember them?
Green wrote a book, The Art of Coarse about coarse sport – what would I mentioned Michael Green. He was
Sport in which he described a ‘coarse rate as the coarsest of sports? editor of the Daily News in Durban
sportsman’ as one who, when his I propose amateur rugby. and, years ago, added to my personal
club receives a government grant to collection of priceless misprints
further his sport, wants to spend it Professional rugby, such as when the from newspaper Classified ads.
on improvements to the club bar. Boks play the All Blacks does, of course,
become pretty coarse at times but, One was an ad for a ‘box of puppies’
Michael described once playing against compared with club rugby or even (it should have read ‘Boxer puppies’)
some village club and the opposing high school rugby, it is pure ballet. And how about . . .
captain asked him if his team would Free puppies: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel,
mind lending a hand to move the Club rugby, especially in rural 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
pavilion. This turned out to be a derelict areas, is often played on fields well Female Boston terrier pups,
double-decker bus with no engine. fertilised during the week by grazing 7 weeks old, perfect markings.
sheep or cows and sometimes 555-1234. Leave mess.
Local by-laws insisted it had to travel an on fields so muddy even ducks Free Yorkshire terrier: 8 years old.
unspecified distance every week – and carefully walk around them. During Hateful little bastard. Bites!
one metre was sufficient – otherwise it amateur club matches, which can FOUND: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat.
would be deemed to be a building and, be very intense indeed, there are no Been out a while. Better be a reward.
aesthetically, so unsightly they would paramedics to rush on to the field to Great Dames for sale.
demand it be demolished. As long as set bones or sew ears back on. The Cane/baboon tea trolley.
it moved it would be classified as a wounded are dragged off like dead Garlic - 60 tables for R135.
‘vehicle for transporting passengers’. gladiators and left on the sidelines For sale: ceramic bedside lambs.

44 Waterfall Issue 4 2022