Page 28 - Blue Valley News June/July 2021

TODAY’S CHILD
CHILDREN, TEENS AND GOSSIPING

By Dr Ilse Ruane

The tendency to gossip has been around integrity. It is common knowledge that clarifying the reality with the person being
forever. It is seductive and so easy to get people love to gossip and we must teach spoken about;
caught up in ‘talking about’ someone else. teens to refrain from participating in this. • they enjoy being part of the gossiping and
Psychologically speaking, we participate in may even take the stories further to other
these types of conversations for a whole array Why do teens gossip? people;
of reasons, both self and group fulfilling. Our The main reason children and teens spread • through joining in the gossiping, they
children and teens have joined the trend to rumours and gossip is to gain status or guarantee their position or their safety
utilise gossip, rumours and bad-mouthing as popularity. Others spread rumours out of within the group... that is, exclusion of the
social currency. jealousy, fear of competition or to exclude other creates inclusion for oneself;
someone from a group. Spreading rumours • they are afraid of becoming the next target
here do these ideas stem from? is a way to turn people against someone; by keeping the focus off themselves. If we
And why do teens participate in therefore, it is actually a form of bullying. The gossip about someone else, there is no
Wsomething so harmful and often, old nursery rhyme, “Sticks and stones can time to focus on ourselves and our own
ironically, having the contradictory effect. break my bones but words can never hurt faults.
me” is a lie. We need to teach our children that
Talking about other people and their private the very best way to stop gossip and bullying Generally speaking, in the moment of
affairs is one of life’s greatest temptations is not to spread it. telling the scandalous story, teens have not
that we all succumb to. It is human nature thought about why the speaker is spreading
to compare ourselves with others and often It can have serious consequences. It hurts the destructive story in the first place. What
we cannot resist talking about people. It the person being talked about and it also does the speaker have to gain by spreading
is hard to avoid listening to gossip and we intimidates other people who are party to stories? What is his/her motivation?
often find ourselves participating in a good the information, not to mention the often- Does it make the scandalmonger look
old ‘skinner’ session. But the truth of the forgotten effects that it has on the credibility better or explain away bad behaviour?
matter is, at the end of the day, it is nothing of the person spreading the stories. People generally gossip due to their own
but judgemental and disrespectful no Sadly, when other children and teens see this insecurities.
matter what your reasons or motives are.
kind of thing going on, they do not always Changing the narratives around
There is no mistaking it, rumour spreading stand up for what is right. They may become gossip
and gossiping is destructive. It destroys less friendly towards the person who is being First and foremost, try not to allow gossip
people’s reputations and causes a range talked about or even exclude them. The in your home. If you want your teen not
of social problems for example, exclusion reasons for this may be: to gossip, make sure you are leading by
and alienation. As parents, educators and • they, incorrectly, believe the gossip without example. Children and teens learn through
coaches, we need to teach teens to live with

26 • Issue 3 2021 • BLUE VALLEY NEWS