Page 29 - Blue Valley News June/July 2021

TODAY’S CHILD
CHILDREN, TEENS AND GOSSIPING modelling. Therefore, if you gossip at home,
your teen (child) will gossip about others. I
By Dr Ilse Ruane offer three tips to parents regarding rumours
and gossiping based on what I hear in my
private practice:
Try not to bad-mouth others in front of your
own children. Whether it is your own adult
friend you have been having words with or
the fact that you are jealous that another
child did better than yours in the exams or
cricket match or dance competition. Not
considering the fact that they are observing
first-hand what disrespectful and unkind
conversations are like, you are the role
model and their observations become the
basis for their behaviour. Children and teens
learn behaviour from us.
If you no longer want your child playing with
a particular child, simply stop the play dates. Thirdly, real popularity comes from feeling same type of person. Spend time and energy
Make your rules for your own child. Do what comfortable with ourselves and from treating having fun with friends and participating in
you feel is right without spreading stories people with respect and kindness. People activities they enjoy. Never have fun at the
about the other child. The old saying “If you who are truly well-liked treat everyone with expense of another. It is important to remind
don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say respect and fairness. They do not put other teens that we never know the whole picture
anything at all” should apply equally if not people down. They do not try to gain power from the one-sided information shared by
more so when we speak in front of or about by having ‘followers’ or achieve popularity the gossiper. Therefore, the onus falls on the
other children who are still learning about at the expense of another person. They are listener to try and see the bigger picture.
socialisation, behaviour and expressing confident and sure of themselves, so they do By trying to see the bigger picture, listeners
emotion. not have to resort to such unkind behaviour. can prevent themselves from falling for the
scandalous story and can perhaps glean the
There is NEVER a valid reason to go after Fourthly, teens love a bit of drama. They are hidden agenda.
another child through using rumours and ‘sold’ dramatics all over social media. But they
gossip. If you, as an adult, have a problem do not often think about the consequences Lastly, what people think of them is very
with a particular child, maybe you need to for others or for themselves by participating important to a teen. They need to realise that
look a little closer to home to uncover why in drama. Gossip directly affects the person nothing causes unhappiness and insecurity
you feel that way. By looking honestly at your gossiping and those participating, and not more than rumours, gossip and bad-
motivation behind participating in rumours only the person being spoken about. If teens mouthing others.
and gossip, you might uncover awareness would only realise the damage they ultimately
of where these feelings arise. Even if you, as do to their reputations with others by In closing, gossip is spread for social reasons,
therefore if someone is gossiping to you,
an adult, dislike a child, there is still no valid gossiping, they would no longer participate.
reason for bad-mouthing the child to other Gossiping also reduces the level of depth that consider what they are hoping to achieve?
adults or children. Again, be a positive role a friendship can accrue. Friends are going to Also remember if a person gossips easily to
model for your own children by displaying be less likely to confide in someone who is you, do you really think they are not gossiping
how we treat others, even when we do not quick to spread stories. Therefore, teens who about you as well. BV
necessarily like them. gossip tend not to have deep and lasting
friendships. Teens who gossip regularly are
Secondly, children and teens do not have often those with fluctuating and frivolous
to be friends with everyone, or even like friendships. The teens who are able to
everyone, but they need to be kind. Not keep secrets and not gossip are those with
liking another person does not give someone meaningful and long lasting attachments.
the right to spread rumours, gossip or put
them down. Acting like this shows a lack of Fifthly, children and teens need to take a
courage and maturity. It is a false way to try stand against gossiping and find friends who
to gain popularity or status within the group. will not listen to rumours. They must not be • Marital, Couples & Family
Remember to treat people as you would like drawn into a similar pattern by speaking Therapy
to be treated. unkindly about the person spreading the • Counselling Children,
rumours. If they do, they then become the Adolescents & Adults
• “Teen” Challenges
• Behavioural & Adjustment
Challenges
• Stress-Related Challenges
• Adjustment to Depression &
Anxiety
• Subject & Career Counselling
• Psychometric Testing

For an appointment please call
083 376 1995
Fees are charged according to Scale of
Benefits
Pr. Nr. 0860000114022
Reg. No.: PS 0080543

BLUE VALLEY NEWS • Issue 3 2021 • 27