Page 23 - Blue Valley_Issue 2_2022

TODAY’S CHILD

Things don’t always go according to plan solving and seeing things in perspective. Stress also makes us less empathic
or how we imagine something playing and less creative.
out. As a result, we are often left feeling We all know that stress can also affect one’s health and one’s confidence.
It can result in depression when children feel they can’t cope. This will
disappointed, sad or frustrated. Learning become even more of a factor as your child moves into the teenage and
to manage strong emotions is a challenge young adult years.
for everyone. No one really enjoys stress, and it is all too easy to act out on it. When
you can see frustration and stress mounting in your child’s demeanour,
encourage them to take a walk in the garden or to stretch their arms to
ften, we react in the heat of the moment. Feelings of frustration, the sky and take a deep breath … anything that will distract them from the
irritation, anger or annoyance can flare up at any time and it is so moment and bring calm.
Oeasy to get lost in the moment – and to give in to these emotions
in a less than ideal manner. Temper tantrums, screaming, shouting and • Encourage them to talk to you and tell you what’s bugging them.
crying bring on so many negative emotions, and often you can feel quite • Tell them what you’ve observed in their behaviour – maybe they were
ill afterwards. quiet or they looked sad or they were crying. Your observations of their
body language will help them focus on their experience.
People act and react based on feelings, but we are often not even aware • Ask them why they are feeling stressed or frustrated.
of what those feelings are! Our children observe and mimic our behaviour, • Ask them how it makes them feel.
so it is very important for you to be aware of how you react. • Try to get them to focus on the issue and the emotion, but as two
separate things – because these are not one and the same.
MINDFULNESS • Maybe encourage a physical or fun activity as a destressor.
We have mentioned mindfulness before and the concept of “active living”. • Very importantly, try to manage your own stress too. That way, you
This can be of enormous benefit to the whole family. will be better equipped to help your child manage theirs.

Mindfulness is basically awareness. In the moment, slow down, think • Talk
and focus. Don’t just react. This pause will allow you the opportunity When your child is angry or venting their frustrations, calmly sit them
to be aware of what you are thinking and feeling, before reacting. This down and ask them to explain to you why they are unhappy. Ask them
pause brings calm and a consciousness that will help you to cope and how they think they may solve the problem or issue, and then help
make better decisions. them think through other options if necessary. This also helps to build
problem-solving skills, rational thinking and empathy if it involves
The action of noticing and observing connects the mind and the body. others.
For example, if you are playing in the garden and can hear birds singing,
draw your child’s attention to this. Ask them how it makes them feel or • Check in every day
what it sounds like; maybe try to see who can spot the bird first or try Maybe at dinner time, ask them what they enjoyed about the day and
to mimic its call. what made them feel happy. Then in contrast, ask them what they didn’t
like and how this made them feel. The elevated consciousness will start to
These skills can be learnt and taught at any age. Here are a few suggestions permeate naturally into their thoughts and will increasingly benefit their
for the whole family: ability to rationalise and therefore cope.
TOP TIPS FOR TEACHING CHILDREN TO COPE WITH • Feeling
FRUSTRATION By acknowledging your child’s emotions, you are helping them to feel
supported, loved and safe. They will learn to think things through and know
• Stay calm that you are a sounding board for them. By the time they are teenagers, you
If your child is angry or throwing a tantrum, there is no point in you joining will be very thankful for this bond of trust.
in! Calmly try to quieten them, remove them from the situation if need be,
and let them have a cry if that is what they need. Your calmness will transfer So, in summary, mindfulness helps children (and adults) to focus, listen, feel
to them. and better manage their emotions. It is calming, helps to reduce stress and
enables you to function better and to cope.
• Stress less
Stress is normal and unavoidable. In some instances, it can spur positive The two concepts of mindfulness and active living are intertwined.
behaviour. But too much stress can shut us down and decrease our ability Mindfulness results in active, conscious living. The skill is to focus on “being”
to function optimally. When we feel stressed, it becomes more difficult and not “doing”. It might sound airy-fairy or silly, but give it a try – you have
to access the prefrontal cortex. This renders us less capable of problem- nothing to lose and much to gain.

BLUE VALLEY NEWS • Issue 2 2022• 21