Page 22 - Blue Valley Issue 2_2023

TODAY’S CHILD

HOW DOES THIS CARRY ON a child, but punitive discipline is a Behaviour is a form of communication,
INTO THE TEEN YEARS? problem. Discipline needs to be seen and as such, it has a function and
A secure child who grows up with as consequential and immediate, and it occurs in patterns. If we can find
boundaries knows they have a safe it must fit the crime. Parenting styles the communication problem, we
space within which to function and should inform our strategy on how to start dismantling the problematic
that life is fairly predictable. The child change bullying behaviour. behaviour. That’s where the level of
without boundaries grows up in an help is needed.
insecure environment and is enabled • Behaviour management approach
to harm parents and friends. This Cognitive behavioural therapy is most • Understand how the behaviour is
child does not get the opportunity to commonly used to address bullying carried out
learn empathy. behaviours, but we seldom get the We approach it by understanding
parents and the bully to acknowledge that behaviour is created through
Without set boundaries, a child their bullying behaviour. Hence, we patterns. Life in general comprises
cannot learn about the self and the seldom see the bully in therapy. behavioural patterns that produce
other. This means they do not learn to a desired outcome. These patterns
read social cues accurately as there is This is unfortunate because when a are reinforced. For example, bullying
a constant blending of the self and the behaviour management approach behaviour gets reinforced because
other. In other words, as a teenager, is used to address the areas that the the bully gets to feel powerful. They
the child is denied the opportunity to child or teen is lacking in, then the believe that they are the leader, they
develop a solid sense of self. manifestation of bullying would be are in charge, they are popular, etc. So,
reduced. parents and teachers need to observe
So, permissive and authoritarian the daily behaviour of the child and see
parenting styles either constrict a Little can be done within the home and what’s happening in their environment
child’s development or deny the child the school environment to address a – perhaps then they can identify what
the environment they need to ensure problem when the perpetrator rarely triggers the negative behaviour. This is
their optimal development. These goes to therapy. As a solution, we can what will break the behaviour code.
parents need to change their style of implement a behaviour management
parenting. approach at school, on the sports field • Break the behaviour code
and at home. However, this approach It sounds easy enough, but it requires
The most ideal parenting style is is labour-intensive and is therefore lots of observation and understanding.
authoritative as it allows for open seldom applied. It takes time to set Something happened before the
communication where there are rules up and even more time before results bullying incident to create the need
and boundaries, as well as where fair show. to bully. When we have a behaviour,
and balanced discipline takes place. I we also have a consequence – every
am not saying you cannot discipline The approach looks something like this: action has an equal reaction. More
often than not, the bullying behaviour
• Understand the function of the is carried out to cover up the fact that
behaviour the child feels insecure, insignificant
We need to change how we view the and threatened by another.
child. They are no longer a bully but
a child with inappropriate behaviour. We all have the ability to be unkind,
Bullying is a desperate way of and perhaps even to display bullying or
behaving, so we need to get all the domineering behaviours. Every human
facts about the child. This requires open being is capable of behaving in an
and honest talking and a great deal of offensive manner, but some people
understanding. But in the moment of have the desire to be educated about
the transgression, it is difficult not to it and to grow, while others choose not
enter into a power struggle with the to be accountable and continue to act
child. However, there are many reasons in unacceptable ways.
for bullying and the behaviour must
not be seen in isolation. It is not enough to support the victim of
the bully; we need to stop the bullying
A huge effort is required to change behaviour itself. We must insist that
the system as it constantly reinforces the bully take accountability for their
itself. Therefore, parents and teachers behaviour and stop the current way
need to understand that you do what of dealing with the situation, which
you can, at the pace you can, when entails understanding the behaviour
you can. Change will not happen but not actually preventing it from
overnight. recurring.

20 • Issue 2 2023 • BLUE VALLEY NEWS