Page 21 - Issue 4 Cornwall Hill

LIFESTYLE

VIEWS FROM THE PSYCHOLOGIST’S COUCH:

COVID-19 AND OUR PSYCHE

BY LEANDRI BEYERS, CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST
Photograph by Ivan Muller

ince the outbreak of this pandemic, Exhaustion
I have registered and observed Lockdown entailed juggling many roles
the psychological impact of this under one roof. The roles of mom, teacher,
Scollective experience of trauma and businesswoman and cleaner might all have
grief. Although people all respond differently been required before lunchtime. This saps
to crises, initially most people were in denial, resources and is exhausting. Also, most
settling in for a bit of a holiday at home. of our work and socialising occurs online.
However, as time passes, people are adjusting Connection is an essential need for us as social
and realising this new ‘normal’ might be here beings, however strong cognitive dissonance
for some time. is created by being together-but-not-really
together. Virtual connection can be confusing
There is a psychological term called and tiring and remind us of what we are losing
‘ambiguous loss’, usually used to describe out on. Virtual connection is therefore BOTH
the experience of having a spouse with essential AND dissonant. If you feel exhausted
Alzheimer’s; he/she is still alive but not in the or sad after a day of virtual connection, know
same way the other is used to. This is what that it is normal and to be expected.
I see now - there is a sense of loss of our old
reality and of what we are not able to do; not Burn-out
being able to work, travel and relate in the There is a fine line between work and life during
way we are used to. Loss of income, fear of the this time, as most people don’t go into the
future and what the impact of all of this will office. Work occurs at home and home at work.
have on us going forward, is common. If you don’t separate work and life contexts, you
will end up being dys-regulated and feeling
Ineffective coping strategies exhausted as you never really stop working. Also,
In social terms, trauma can be defined as the mundaneness of staying home day in and
something that shakes your reality and day out leaves most people feeling listless.
puts you in fight, flight or freeze mode. This
worldwide pandemic definitely has altered Relationship difficulties
our day to day functioning. Trauma happens So many of my clients report that this
TO you, which implies a loss of control. People period of lockdown has been the longest
respond differently to a loss of control; some they have been under one roof with their
become reactive (fight mode) which entails partners. Conflict is therefore bound to occur,
rebellion and frustration, whereas others and all of the usual relationship difficulties
become passive (freeze mode) and look are exacerbated. Boundaries and open
towards leadership for guidance. communication are important during this time
– you need to be able to voice your needs to
When we are in crisis, our old/default coping your partner/family members more than ever,
skills return. As we grow up, we develop as you are living in close quarters.
certain coping skills which serve a function
in our family systems, for example, you learn Reflection/meaning making
from a young age that you are not allowed A need for reflection during this time is
to express your emotions as this overwhelms common – re-evaluating what is important
your parents or elicits disapproval. Or and how you want to spend your time can
you learn to be self-sufficient and overly be very meaningful. Many people report
independent as you can’t rely on these adults realising the value of quality time with family
to meet your emotional and maybe even or enjoying a simpler, less rushed lifestyle. As
physical needs. As we progress through life, Nietzsche stated: “To live is to suffer, to survive
we adjust and learn that we don’t need some is to find some meaning in the suffering.”
of those skills as they don’t serve us anymore
in our new relationships; essentially, we Originally both from small towns, my husband
broaden our role repertoire. That being said, and I moved from the hustle and bustle of
as soon as we find ourselves in crisis, it is very +PIBOOFTCVSH UP $PSOXBMM )JMM &TUBUF XIFO
likely that those same coping skills might I was seven months pregnant with our
re-surface. People who learned to swallow daughter. The tranquillity and safety of the
their emotions might again withdraw or numb estate resonated with our need to experience
those emotions with food, alcohol, smoking country style living close to the city. Our
or distraction. The overly independent person daughter is now almost 18 months and you
might take charge and cut out his/her loved might see us running around after her or
ones by not expressing their needs or being cruising along with the stroller as we explore
vulnerable. the beauty the estate has to offer.

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