Page 38 - D11 Dainfern Precinct Living December 2021

HUMOUR

CLASS DISTINCTION

and cashew nuts

BY JAMES CLARKE
We travel writers sometimes travel, courtesy of an airline,
business class or even better. When booked economy
class – where we are seated most of the time – we live in
hope of an upgrade, which we occasionally get.

normally feel a little guilty travelling to the front section, which might even business class cashew nuts among
business class or first class. It’s the begin in the terminal itself as I crash the peanut-eaters in economy class,
I curtain that does it. The curtain in my trolley through the economy class but I suppose this would simply
an airliner is the world’s most unsubtle queues up to the red-carpeted, less- cause an unseemly scramble –
class barrier. At take-off, the curtain pressured business and first class possibly even a mid-air riot.
that divides business or first class from flower-bedecked check-in desk. Here
those travelling economy is always left they place bright red PRIORITY labels British Airways sensitively calls
open. This is so that, if the take-off is on my bags and with deep respect economy class ‘tourist class’. Virgin
not to everybody’s satisfaction – let’s direct me to the Business Lounge. Atlantic, waggling two fingers at the
say the plane lands up in a cabbage There are armchairs in the Business poor, calls its luxury section, ‘upper
field – the poor in economy class can Lounge and one gets free snacks and class’, clearly inferring that those on
use the business or first class exit, drinks, and I sometimes have to be the wrong side of the curtain are ‘lower
which I think is really jolly sporting of restrained. This agreeable feeling wells class’. I travelled upper class on Virgin
the people up front. up again when I am ushered into the once but all the time I knew, in my
front section of the aircraft where they heart of hearts, that although those in
One always knows when the crew offer French champagne and a hot the lower class looked inferior, some
is happy with the take-off because a towel before take-off. could quite possibly have been my
stewardess immediately snaps the equal, or nearly so.
curtain closed, thus separating the hoi Sometimes I wonder how I’ll ever be
polloi from the upper crust. able to descend again to the level of On one of our ten cycling tours across
my family. Europe, (Tour de Farce IX), we flew
The curtain also, no doubt, avoids in BA’s ‘intermediate class’, which
unseemly clashes between the haves One shouldn’t feel guilty of course. mercifully gives extra legroom and one
and the have-nots by preventing a deep After all, it’s not just you who is of the team told me of a luxurious flight
sense of deprivation building up in getting a free ride. Nobody in he experienced when he flew with
economy class as they see passengers business class or first class is paying. Pérez de Cuéllar, the former UN chief,
up front relaxing in enormous recliners Businessmen charge the fare to to Angola, in the secretary-general’s
being spoilt rotten by air hostesses the company and politicians and private 707 attended by a bevy of
serving mouth-watering cuisine officials have their fares paid by the Iberian Airlines air hostesses – “Ten
accompanied by silver cutlery. taxpayers sitting at the back. But females to each male passenger” .
sometimes, when in business class,
All the same, I must admit to a definite I am overcome with compassion and I could handle that even if there were
feeling of superiority when elevated a strong desire to scatter my superior no cashew nuts.
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