Page 12 - Dainfern Precinct Living Issue 4 2025

ESTATE MATTERS
A
T
TTERS
TE MA
ESTATE MATTERS
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TODAY'S CHILD
HOME FRONT

IN THE MIDDLE

FRIENDSHIP AND THE ALMOST-TEEN YEARS

B Y NIC OLA KILL OPS

here’s a moment in childhood playground tiff within five minutes might There’s a growing sense of social
that arrives without fanfare — now cry quietly in the car, unsure whether hierarchy. There are ‘in’ groups, alliances,
quiet, unlabelled, but full of to talk or hide. They might not tell you invisible rules. Suddenly, something as
Ttremors. It’s the middle. Not about the group chat they were removed small as not having the right shoes or
quite child, not yet teen. Just in-between. from, or the way their “best friend” shifted saying the wrong thing on a class group
her seat at break. But they feel it all. can become a social currency — or a strike
And in that space, friendship becomes Intensely. against it.
something new. No longer just about who
wants to play tag or swap stickers — it “It’s easy to dismiss these changes as And it’s not always cruel. It’s
becomes layered with belonging, status, mood swings or drama,” says Nicola confusing. Children at this age are
loyalty, fear of exclusion, and moments Killops, educational consultant and experimenting with closeness and
of deep emotional recognition. For many specialist in gifted and neurodivergent distance, imitation and individuation.
tweens, this is the first time they truly begin learners. “But what you’re actually One day your child might be
to ask themselves: Who am I, when I’m with witnessing is identity formation in motion. inseparable from their friend; the next
other people? And do they see me back? These are the first rehearsals for adult day they might be sobbing, convinced
relationships — with all the heartbreak, that they’ve been replaced.
THIS IS WHERE THINGS START TO intensity, and learning that comes with it.”
MATTER MORE DEEPLY — AND “It’s like a storm inside you,” said one ten-
HURT MORE EASILY FRIENDSHIP, NOW WITH SUBTEXT year-old, “but no one else seems to notice
A child who once bounced back from a At this stage, friendships take on nuance. it’s raining.”

10 DPL issue 4 2025