Page 25 - Fourways Gardens July 2021

Lifestyle

The first thing I

noticed was NO

BAR FRIDGE!

and snacks – he had a whole stash as border
patrol had ‘freaked out’ when he had had a
panic attack in the Red Zone queue and had
handed him water and snacks to ‘assist’ him . .
. mmm – anyhow, let’s call him Alfie. Alfie has
bipolar and borderline personality disorder.
He is also very funny. We liked him from the
outset, and exchanged mobile numbers so
we could check up on him in quarantine and
make sure he was doing ok. He will probably
be ‘released’ on day three for medical reasons.

So after a further 45-minute wait, we finally
were bussed to our quarantine hotel. First
impressions – don’t count here. We were
given a briefing and believe me – all on their
terms with zero flexibility. Hannah and I had
concocted this ‘fool proof’ plan on how to get
a room upgrade. However, seeing Alfie who
had a duffel bag full of meds not get a room
upgrade should have been our cue. I told the
receptionist that I had generalised anxiety and
claustrophobia and that I needed a bigger
room with a window. She responded, “Do you
have enough meds?” Perhaps I should have
had a panic attack to get some snacks?

The room: Our cell for 11 days is tiny. The first
thing I noticed was NO BAR FRIDGE! So no
booze and no ordering provisions. Hannah
noticed a smell of urine in the shower room!
someone is going to die in this line We each have our own single bed. There is one
chair, a cupboard that only accommodates
two jackets. A huge TV with no Netflix! A non-
We were fortunate. We had some lovely Miami. I am not sure what their issue was, opening window to prevent Hannah and me
passengers around us, chatty and friendly. but they entertained us for at least fifteen joining the planes flying past. The shower
Eventually, Hannah and I told the mom to minutes. They were yelling and swearing at room is small and dishes and cutlery and dirty
jump the queue and move ahead of us – we border patrol. Telling them how to do their clothes are to be washed in the basin. Anyway,
expected an outcry from the passengers, but jobs, accusing them of being racist. The after our initial spoilt brat attitude had passed,
were so surprised when all those around us gentleman had an “effing broken neck and we decided to just go with the flow. So, we
then pushed her and her son to the front of his wife was effing pregnant and they had unpacked, showered, (Hannah in my slops –
the queue. Her son of course had been there just come off an effing eight hour flight” etc. in honour of her dad), put on our pyjamas and
and even through passport control a few Eventually, they were let through. Finally, it just as we had slipped under the 100 count
times with border patrol running behind him! was our turn – our border patrol official was so sheets with 400 tog duvet inner – the most
The queue to the left of us was for the elderly smitten with Hannah, he hardly looked at her annoying noise fills up the remaining space in
and those needing assistance. This queue documents. We were then ushered through our room – I think it came from the plumbing/
actually took way longer. The elderly were and chaperoned to a further queuing area pipes above. For those that don’t know me – I
carried via ‘a battery operated cart thingy’ – but this time for hotel quarantine. Fortunately, fixate on sound, i.e. dogs barking, weed eaters
these carts certainly let you know they were this queue was virtually empty. We were and leaf blowers. Zip, zero way that I will be
there – they sounded like they had had their not allowed to walk to the front, but had to able to spend 24/7 in a small box listening to
voice boxes removed. We got the giggles zigzag our way through the cordoned off that without having suicidal thoughts – death
when an elderly gentleman commented, area. Here, we met a delightfully entertaining by heavy metal, so I rang reception and tried
“someone is going to die in this line”. Ahead gentleman (also waiting in the line for the AGAIN for a room upgrade . . . reception called
of the ‘dying gentleman’ were a couple from same quarantine hotel) who offered us water security, who incidentally were seated at the

Fourways Gardens • 23 • July 2021