Page 26 - Fourways Gardens July 2021

Lifestyle

end of each corridor, they investigate and tell you cannot leave your room without a
us to phone reception, we phone reception
and so it goes on for about 15 minutes. I then security escort
get told that it is early and therefore people
will make a noise . . . I lose my rag. ”Ma’am you
are not hearing me, it is the pipes making the – literally everything takes an hour – they Our ice arrived in a plastic bag, no glasses
noise not people” and slam the phone down! arrive, (you cannot leave your room without and two bottles of tonic water. I decant our
Eventually, we get our room change – not an a security escort). So off we go, I register my gin from the 50ml bottle into our coffee
upgrade – sadly, still no fridge but a clean- credit card and ask security if we can go for mugs, add the ice and go to ‘open the tonic
smelling shower room. (Was it worth the a walk. He says yes and for fifteen minutes water’ . . . nope, it’s not a screw top. I phone
effort – most certainly). and escorts us to a fenced courtyard full of room service AGAIN, “Please can you send
‘prisoners’ exercising whilst remaining under me a bottle opener?” We wait, 30 minutes
We had to choose every meal in advance their watchful eye. The sun is glorious and later, the ice has melted and no bottle
upon our arrival. Most were curry dishes, we manage to do a couple of laps before opener has arrived, so I haul out my trusted
which Hannah doesn’t eat – and when the fifteen minutes is up. Hannah and I are nail scissors and pry the lid off – best gin of
reporting this to reception, it was greeted smiling again. our lives! And the pizza was actually quite
with a blank stare. She is going to starve. good! Then there is a knock, knock – it’s
Anyway, the ordering of all ten days’ meals Back in the room, anticipating a delay in room service with our beef chunks! All I can
was done on an App and clever as it may getting our beef chunks, and thinking we say is, “Thank God for the pizza.” We left the
seem, there is no way to change your room were owed at least one spoil for the day, we chunks outside!
number on this. I phoned room service to order two gins, some ice and a pizza from
notify them that we had changed rooms room service. Now it’s time to watch a movie – did I mention
and they must please ensure that our meals the TV does not have Netflix? Never mind, I
going forward are sent to the correct room. I then text Alfie to find out if he is ok and to tell have my laptop – nope the Mirror-sharing
(The wrap for lunch was an unidentified him we have called for room service, the text function does not work on the TV. It takes me
object – it was purple and its contents were goes like this? half an hour to work out how to update my
alien)! The meal for dinner was beef chunks – Bernice: How are you, blah, blah blah . . . region on Amazon. I finally download Driving
what are beef chunks? Alfie: Did you get room service? Miss Daisy on the laptop and we kick back to
Bernice: This is a joke. So we thought we watch this classical drama and promptly fall
Drat! We need alcohol! So we call reception would get two guns and a pizza. The drinks asleep.
for the twentieth time – they now know us by arrived . . .
name. “Please can you send us some drinks?” Alfie: Wow DAY One
“You will need credit card authorisation, Later, whilst reading back the message I Hannah removes her earplugs (I snore) and I
phone security to accompany you to realised predictive text had changed gins to phone room service to ask if we will ever be
reception.” So I phone security. An hour later guns . . . Hannah and I laughed so hard. given cutlery . . .

Fourways Gardens • 24 • July 2021