Page 38 - FWG Issue 3_April_2022

Humour

Meet Ginger. Her
favorite things include
going fishing and
riding in her mom’s
bike basket. How
coarse can one get?

Photo by Sticker Mule, Unsplash

HOW COARSE CAN ONE GET?

B Y JAMES CLARKE

here’s the elegant art of fly Local by-laws insisted it had to travel an by scrumming against a John Deere tractor.
fishing where you don’t get your unspecified distance every week – and one In coarse rugby, it often takes a noisy
hands dirty – and then there’s the metre was sufficient – otherwise it would be debate on the try line to decide if a try has
Tless elegant art of coarse fishing deemed to be a building and, aesthetically, been scored. This will involve spectators,
using worms or pap mixed with gravy one so unsightly they would demand it be players and the ref.
kept from a dinner last Wednesday. demolished. As long as it moved it would
be classified as a ‘vehicle for transporting Players might wander off the field for a
A cycling friend described cycle touring passengers’. quick ‘dop’ or to punch a spectator. Some
as ‘coarse cycling’ because the bikes might wander off early to watch the end of
have fat tyres, bells and panniers filled But to take Michael’s point about coarse a Currie Cup match and others might not
with comfort goods, whereas Sunday sport – what would rate as the coarsest of wait for the final whistle before becoming
cycling when the executive set ride great sports? I propose amateur rugby. engrossed in scrambling in the grass
distances on weightless cycles is elegant looking for their teeth.
stuff – this is refined cycling as opposed Professional rugby, such as when the Boks
to coarse. play the All Blacks does, of course, become Remember them?
pretty coarse at times but, compared with I mentioned Michael Green. He was editor
There’s coarse tennis too. Coarse tennis is club rugby or even high school rugby, it is of the Daily News in Durban and, years ago,
played by small tennis clubs with worn- pure ballet. added to my personal collection of priceless
out balls and poorly strung rackets that go misprints from newspaper Classified ads.
‘plunk’ instead of ‘POK’ when the ball is hit. Club rugby, especially in rural areas, is often
played on fields well fertilised during the week One was an ad for a ‘box of puppies’ (it
Half a century ago, a friend, former daily by grazing sheep or cows and sometimes on should have read ‘Boxer puppies’)
newspaper editor, Michael Green wrote fields so muddy even ducks carefully walk And how about . . .
a book, The Art of Coarse Sport in which around them. During amateur club matches, Free puppies: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2
he described a ‘coarse sportsman’ as one which can be very intense indeed, there are sneaky neighbour's dog.
who, when his club receives a government no paramedics to rush on to the field to set Female Boston terrier pups, 7 weeks old,
grant to further his sport, wants to spend bones or sew ears back on. The wounded are perfect markings. 555-1234. Leave mess.
it on improvements to the club bar. dragged off like dead gladiators and left on Free Yorkshire terrier: 8 years old. Hateful
the sidelines for friends to patch up or next of little bastard. Bites!
Michael described once playing against kin to claim after the game is over. FOUND: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat.
some village club and the opposing Been out a while. Better be a reward.
captain asked him if his team would mind Some coarse rugby players love it even Great Dames for sale.
lending a hand to move the pavilion. This when scrumming with a 700kg pack Cane/baboon tea trolley.
turned out to be a derelict double-decker against a 1000kg Northern Free State side, Garlic - 60 tables for R135.
bus with no engine. smelling strongly of Klipdrift, that practices For sale: ceramic bedside lambs.

Fourways Gardens • 36 • April 2022