Page 12 - IFV Issue 10 October 2023

Estate News

If these behaviour patterns sound work out how to control their part various creative behavioural charts. For
familiar, you can consider your child or in it and learn to take responsibility. some ideas, visit www.kidpointz.com.
children to be spoilt. In this way, they develop a sense of
Spoilt children are not happy self-esteem. WHAT CAN I DO TO REVERSE THE
children. They don’t learn to handle 3. Availability – children thrive on EFFECTS?
disappointment and often negate knowing they can count on you to 1. Make sure your children aren’t defining
their own role in a situation. They find be there, whether it is to listen, help, their happiness and their status in the
it difficult to adjust to the demands support or just be a witness to their world as a function of what they wear
of their environment and will keep on accomplishments. By giving of the or drive. Sit down with them and have
seeking extrinsic motivation for tasks time, you will create an environment a one-on-one conversation about
that have to be performed. When asked conducive to conversation and what really defines their worth – their
how she motivates herself to study, a shared experiences. intelligence, their creativity, being
teenager responded in this flippant way: caring, being giving, their work ethic,
“I don’t. My parents buy me stuff and Traditionally, discipline is used etc.
give me money.” as a negative consequence or a 2. Make sure your child understands the
One must understand intrinsic discouragement to correct undesirable value of hard work. The difference
versus extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic behaviour. This equates discipline with between winners and losers is that
motivation is when people do things punishment and excludes a crucial part winners do things losers don’t want to
because they feel proud of themselves of the formula – reward. The parental do – they work hard to get ready to
when they do them. They have a sense team (mother, father and/or caregiver) be a star! Help your children set goals.
of accomplishment and achievement. should agree that punishment must Teach them that striving to own nice
Extrinsic motivation is when someone always be age-appropriate, and the rule things is fine if they understand how
does something because of external of thumb is consistency. This teaches much hard work it takes to be able to
motivation – for example, they will children about consequences and to afford them.
receive money, a toy or a privilege if they think before they act. 3. Your children do not have to love you
do the task. every minute of the day. They’ll get
If you always reward your children It is never acceptable to physically over the disappointment of having
with material things, they will never punish a child when you are angry – this been told “no”. But they won’t get over
learn how to motivate themselves with models undesirable behaviour. Ideal the effects of being spoilt.
internal rewards such as taking pride behaviour, not the patterns of behaviour 4. Set age-appropriate boundaries so
in what they accomplish. And they will listed earlier in the article, should be that children go after life exuberantly,
never learn to value things because rewarded consistently. testing the limits. You can start during
there are so many rewards, and nothing the toddler years.
is special. The rewards should not be material 5. Be consistent. Always do what you
in nature. Rather, they should consist of say you’re going to do. If you tell
THE MOST IMPORTANT BUILDING positive verbal responses such as “well your children a particular behaviour
BLOCKS OF PARENTHOOD done”, “great job” or “way to go”. You can will have consequences, they should
1. Unconditional love – children also reward them with a special activity know you mean it. “This time I’m
need to know they are intrinsically that they enjoy, such as baking cupcakes really taking the toy away if you don’t
okay and good enough, and that on Saturday, going fishing at the lake or play nicely” doesn’t work when you’ve
they do not have to perform for you visiting friends. This should not be held already said it 10 times. Reinforce
to accept them unconditionally. as a condition, but if you can give your positive behaviour more than you
2. Consistency – children flourish child a goal to work towards, it can act harp on about negative behaviour
when there are routines. If life (and as a strong motivator. and show your approval when they
discipline) is predictable, they can I have also witnessed the success of say “please” and “thank you” and when

When parents have minimal authority and children continually
get their own way by acting out, the children become spoilt

10 • Issue 10 2023 • The Villager