Page 13 - IFV Issue 10 October 2023

Estate News

they play gently with friends. 8. A child out of control is a cry for help, you choose?” Start by doing it together,
6. Talk openly about acceptable not a sign that the child is spoilt. Best then gradually fade out of the picture.
behaviour as they get older. School- to start early and set limits consistently, Praise your children as they do more.
age and adolescent children are and to understand the developmental Often, when parents decide to reverse
capable of insight, so sit down and needs of the infant and young child the tide, they focus too much on “no” and
try to work out problems together. to find this delicate, critical balance on punishment. But it isn’t about cracking
For example, if you ask a child “Why between freedom and limits. down; it’s about creating a value system
are you doing this?”, the child may 9. Don’t let your guilt get in the way of that enables your child to learn life
not be able to tell you. But if you say, your parenting. Your job as a parent skills. Remember: the shock of changing
“I wonder why this keeps happening”, is to prepare your children to succeed everything means we change nothing,
that open-ended question may give in school and prepare them for when so take it slowly. You have to make slow,
the child room to speculate. You may they go out into the world. You don’t progressive changes to get it right.
be surprised by what you learn. want to teach your children that
7. Stay calm. Losing your temper over they will get everything through Suzette Weideman is a clinical
bad behaviour only makes you feel manipulation, pouting, crying, door- psychologist specialising in parental
bad and look out of control (similar to slamming and guilt induction. guidance, family interventions, couples
a spoilt child), and it doesn’t teach the Here’s a pertinent question: If you counselling, coping through and after
child to behave any better – in fact, want your children to help clean up, how traumatic incidents, and animal-assisted
the child may well follow your bad- do you get them to do it? You say, “We therapies. For more information, visit:
tempered examples later in life. need to get four things done. Which do www.suzetteweidemanpsych.co.za

The Villager • Issue 10 2023 • 11