Page 34 - Kyalami_Issue 1_2022

HUMOUR

LOVE IS IN THE EAR

BY JAMES CLARKE

Over the years, One of the most poignant anecdotes I liked the one about Ben (6) who
recounted by Nita illustrates how
was most intrigued by Yom Kippur,
readers have sent careful one must be in explaining the Jewish holy day when people
something to a child. I’ll quote
fast the whole day. His Jewish
me children’s directly from Nita’s book: For weeks mother explained to him that she
Lenny, aged six, kept telling his
was allowed to eat only after the
sayings deserving of first grade teacher about the baby sun had gone down. An hour later
brother or sister that was expected
Ben comes rushing indoors: “Mom,
immortality – like, at his house. One day his mother quickly! The sun has gone behind
the clouds – you can sneak a little
allowed him to feel her tummy and
‘Love is in the ear’. the movements of the unborn child. snack.”
Lenny, obviously impressed, said
nothing but he stopped talking about And Liza – she was asked to
ast week, I was told of a the impending event. say grace before dinner but was
teacher reading the story, The teacher, worried, finally sat overawed by the presence of her
LThe Three Little Pigs. She came him on her lap and said, “Lenny, parents' friends. “I don't know what
to the part where the first pig went whatever became of that baby to say” she said.
up to a man with a wheelbarrow full brother or sister you were expecting “Just say what you hear me say,”
of straw and said, “Pardon me sir, at home?” her mother said.
but might I have some of that straw Lenny burst into tears and Liza recited: “Lord, why on earth did
to build my house with?” confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!” I invite all these people to dinner?”

The teacher asked, “And what do Some sayings in Nita’s book are My favourite is about a teacher
you think that man said?” from other sources, including from giving the basics about the blood's
A boy raised his hand: “I know! I my old newspaper column, Stoep circulation. He said, “If I stand on
know! He said ‘Holy smokes! Talk. There was Nancy (4) for my head, the blood, as you know,
A talking pig!’” instance, reciting the Lord’s Prayer... will run into my head and I will turn
“and lead us not into temptation red in the face. But, while I am
The late Nita Ebelin of Kelvin, but deliver us some standing upright, the blood
Sandton, for years collected the e-mail. Amen.” doesn't run into my feet.
funny, absurd and wise things Why?”
children said and put them into How much Long silence. Then a
a book entitled, How Much youngster says, “Cause
Do I Cost? which is long out do I cost? your feet aren't empty.”
of print. I was pleased to
come across a copy in a GOOD QUESTION
second-hand bookshop. Blame Dr Hugh Cobb for
Nita was mainly inspired the following:
by her own children and At the Henry Street Hebrew School,
her two grandchildren, New York, Goldblatt finished the
Dani (9) and Yoni (7). lesson.
In fact Dani, unknowingly, “Mr Goldblatt,” said little Joey,
supplied the title: she was “there’s somethin’ I can’t
being weighed as a toddler and figger. Accordin’ to the Bible, the
watched the dial settle. She asked, Children of Israel crossed the
“How much do I cost?” Red Sea, right?”
“Right.”
A lot of other children were “An’ the Children of Israel beat up
immortalised in Nita’s book. the Philistines, right?”
“Well . . . OK.”
Faye (5) told a friend, “I’ve just “An’ the Children of Israel built
had chicken pox.” The friend said, the Temple; an’ the Children of
“I had fish fingers.” Israel fought the ’gyptians; an’ the
Children of Israel fought the Romans
And hyperactive Jason (8), – the Children of Israel wuz always
on medication to control his doin’ somethin’ important. Right?”
hyperactivity, came home and “Right. So what's your
announced, “The Ritalin question, Joey?”
worked. I didn’t hit anybody “What wuz all the grown-ups
today.” doin’?”

32 Kyalami Estates • CONNECT • Issue 1 • 2022