Page 34 - SilverLakes_Issue 2_2022

TODAY’S CHILD

• Teach healthy coping skills. These do Sure, they get to race at this week’s meets, and trying your best should be rewarded,
not come automatically; children need but at a greater cost. it is also important to prepare children
to be taught how to be humble winners for the realities of life. Life does not give
and gracious losers. Help them to foster If a child does not make the team, we participation trophies and not everyone
the sense of fulfilment that comes from need to trust the process and assume that makes the team.
trying your best as an individual and the the children who’ve been included were
experiences gained from working as a included based on merit. We then need to Parents think they want success for their
team. Sometimes the joy of the sports go back to our children and assist them in children, but in many ways they want
event is not to be found in personal working towards making the team the next success for themselves. Their logic goes like
performance, but in being part of time. this: “If my child is successful, on the sports
something bigger, such as the team’s field or at school, I am a good parent.”
achievement. Forcing a coach to include a child when
they have not made the team on merit is This is nonsense. The measure of a good
• Competitiveness does not have to doing them a huge disservice. They will not parent does not lie in the child’s reaction
involve other people. Avoid comparisons learn to associate effort with success. They or in results, but rather, in how the parent
between children. Children may be taught will not learn how to work for something behaves when things do not go as planned.
to compete against themselves. The goal they want, and will enter adulthood as By focusing on winning, parents lose sight
should be to “be a better you than you entitled people. Furthermore, this will of school and sport being vehicles of
were yesterday”. alienate the child not only from the coach learning. As a parent myself, I am reminded
and team managers, but also from his/her that we need to teach our children to strive
• Focus on the experience by redefining teammates because children know who for excellence, not perfection. Excellence
success, failure and mistakes. If a child belongs on the team and “whose mommy is the attempt to perform a task in the
learns to only associate being “first” and or daddy went to complain”. Life is not best way possible, whereas perfection
“best” with acceptance and love from their always fair and it is better for a child to learn is the definitive, 100% right way of doing
parents, their self-esteem may suffer when this from an early age in the safe, contained something.
they fail to be number one. And, if a child environment of home and school.
internalises the message that winning is all Therefore, excellence is something we
that matters, they may avoid experiences Children need to be taught to work for should all aspire to as perfection is seldom
for fear of failure. On the other hand, a their position on the team or to train to achievable. We parents should try to avoid
child whose parents do not support or be the fastest to achieve the top race spot. striving for perfection and focus rather on
encourage them enough may never fulfil While participation, effort, motivation effort and perseverance.
their potential. Furthermore, parents who
give up easily, or who make excuses or
blame others when they do not succeed,
will pass on those habits to their children.

• Avoid participation trophies and do
not orchestrate your child’s inclusion –
they should be included on merit.
Some parents and schools perpetuate
the idea of participation trophies for all
children. Sadly, this also holds true for o Marital, Couples & Family Therapy
team selections. To avoid parental fallout,
schools may include team members who o Counselling Children, Adolescents & Adults
are not the fastest at the running trials or o “Teen” Challenges
are not the best players, under the guise of o Behavioural & Adjustment Challenges
“giving everyone a turn”. The reality of this o Stress-Related Challenges
approach or inclusion based on parental
appeasement is that this is not how real o Adjustment to Depression & Anxiety
life works. o Subject & Career Psychometric Testing

When orchestrating your child’s inclusion For an appointment please call
by a “harmless” suggestive email to the 083 3761995
coach, be cognisant of the fact that life
does not work that way. Parents who Fees are charged according to Scale of Benefits
perpetuate these behaviour patterns are
setting their children up for failure as this Practice Address: 27 Fish Eagle Street, Silver lakes, Pretoria
Pr. Nr. 0860000114022 | Reg. No.: PS 0080543
will not benefit your child in the long term.

32 | INTRAMUROS MARCH 2022