Page 26 - FWG Issue 4 May 2024

Today’s Child

HELICOPTER, AIR-FRYER,

OR LIGHTHOUSE PARENTS

B Y DR IL SE RU ANE

he transition from primary school have done more to help. However, parents The effects of helicopter parenting
to teenage years can often be try to prevent many consequences, such are widespread but may include
the most challenging shift in as unhappiness, struggle, not excelling, consequences such as the following.
Tparenting. It marks a significant working hard, and no guaranteed results, • Decreased confidence and self-
shift in control and in how children respond they are great teachers for children and are esteem: The main problem with
to it. Although we are cognisant that our not life-threatening. It just feels that way helicopter parenting is that it backfires.
child’s needs are changing, and therefore as worry can drive parents to take control, The underlying message sent to the
our parenting style also needs to change, believing that they can keep their child child is, ‘My parent doesn’t trust me to
it remains challenging. The reality is that from ever being hurt or disappointed. do this on my own.’ This message, in
parents will eventually reach a point where • Peer pressure from other parents compels turn, leads to a lack of confidence.
they no longer have control over what their us to do the same and avoid mistakes and • Undeveloped coping skills: If the
children do, where they go, and who they failures. We can easily feel that we are bad parent is always there to clean up a
spend their time with. parents if we don’t immerse ourselves in child’s mess or prevent the problem in
our children’s lives. Guilt is a significant the first place, how does the child ever
The “Helicopter Parent” factor in this dynamic. This may lead learn to cope with disappointment,
Helicopter parenting is a colloquial term to overcompensation, where excessive loss, or failure? As a result, helicopter
that refers to overprotective parenting attention and monitoring may sometimes parenting can lead to maladaptive
and overparenting. It refers to a style attempt to remedy failures. behaviours, such as it can impair their
of parenting where parents are highly child’s ability to regulate emotions and
involved in their child’s life. Their focus The effects of helicopter parenting behaviour.
can negatively impact a child’s mental Many helicopter parents start with good • Increased anxiety: Over-parenting is
health, self-image, coping skills, and more. intentions. It is a tricky line to find, to associated with higher levels of anxiety
Helicopter parenting most often applies be engaged with our children and their and depression.
to parents who help high school students lives but not so embedded that we lose • Sense of entitlement: Children who
with tasks they can do alone. (for instance, perspective on what they need. Engaged have always had their social, academic,
calling a teacher about poor marks, parenting has many benefits for a child, and athletic lives adjusted by their
arranging doctors’ notes for missed tests, such as feelings of love and acceptance, parents can become accustomed to
arranging a class timetable, or managing better self-confidence and opportunities always having their way, resulting in a
exercise habits). to grow. However, the problem is that once sense of entitlement.
parenting becomes governed by fear and • Undeveloped life skills: Parents who
Helicopter parenting can develop for many decisions based on what might happen, always tie shoes, clear plates, pack
reasons, but there are two common triggers. it’s hard to remember what children learn lunches, launder clothes, and monitor
• Fear of consequences: Parents might fear when we are not guiding each step. Failure school progress, especially when
their child’s rejection from the sports team and challenges teach children new skills children are mentally and physically
or a botched job interview. At the bottom and, most importantly, teach children that capable of doing the task, prevent
of this is the parent’s fear that they could they can handle failure and challenges. children from mastering these skills.

Fourways Gardens • 24 • May 2024