Page 27 - FWG Issue 4 May 2024

Today’s Child

The “Air-fryer Parent” You can’t force your child into good • Moderating emotional regulation
Air-fryer parents are either completely behaviour through reactive responses. builds self-efficacy: I realise that many
switched off or blasting intense heat. This Over-the-top intense reactions followed parents don’t intend to parent like this.
intense heat causes a protective crispy by withdrawal end up in a power struggle. Some of us lose our cool and react to
crust to form around their children. This The key is to give children consequences the situation by yelling. But yelling
form of parenting might be considered that work. The right consequences doesn’t work. If it did, we would all have
healthier than helicopter parenting since motivate your child to develop insight into compliant children. Parents often react to
they do not use conventional methods. Still, how problems or life circumstances may their children without thinking because
it ends up being just as bad for the child as or may not play out. They put you back they believe they need to get their
for everyone else in the family system. It’s in control and teach your child how to children to understand the situation or
an aggressive approach but ineffective at problem-solve, giving your child the skills change their behaviour immediately. This
cleaning up your child’s messes because it needed to be a successful adult. desperation allows your child’s behaviour
propels the child forward at a high intensity • Air-fryer parenting backfires because to determine how you behave rather than
and then withdraws, leaving them lost. there are no mediating role players: the other way around. We must model
Understandably, parents today fear they appropriate behaviour if we expect it from
The effects of air-fryer parenting won’t be able to control their children. our children. Therefore, if we come in hot,
Air-fryer parenting is an unsuccessful The media, the online world, and their we are demonstrating to our children
dance between being overinvolved and children’s peers are just too great an just how overwhelmed we are with the
letting go. It stems from a point of fear and influence. Many parents fall into the trap situation. The message to the child is then,
desperation in the parent. When you use of using intensity and control to offset “Wow, Mom and Dad are freaked out by
an intense, then back-off-again approach the power of these outside influences. this and can’t stay calm. How the hoot
as a parenting style, it often solves your Unfortunately, their reactive nature am I supposed to navigate through it?”.
short-term problem of controlling children. of intensity is a shortcut that doesn’t There needs to be a shift towards healthier
These types of parents can initially get work in the long-term. Parents need to pacing when life throws us situations we
the compliance they are looking for. But be able to teach their children how to aren’t in charge of.
it comes at a cost. It may lead to severe deal with these powerful influences on
problems for children and how they grow their own. One of the problems with The shift needs to happen to be a
up to deal with the adult world. Too often, this type of parenting is that when the lighthouse parent – helicopters control,
it leads children to be victims because child leaves the home, they don’t know air-fryers burn, while lighthouses guide.
that’s the role they’ve been assigned in how to behave independently. Then, Helicopters fly around, air-fryers demand,
their family, or they can be oppositional they get into the kind of trouble that the while lighthouses stay firm, stable, and
and demanding because that’s what parents were afraid of in the first place. consistent. And possibly most importantly,
was modelled for them by their parents. Compliance is achieved through fear of helicopters shoot down potential threats,
Neither role increases the child’s chance of retribution, not through consequences air-fryers come in blowing intense all-or-
developing their potential and creating a that allow the child to learn from their nothing approach force to keep control,
successful life. mistakes. and lighthouses illuminate the path.

Fourways Gardens • 25 • May 2024