Page 16 - IFV Issue 4_ 2024

Today’s Child

HELICOPTER, AIR-FRYER, OR

LIGHTHOUSE PARENTS

BY DR ILSE RUANE

he transition from primary school
to teenage years can often be the
Tmost challenging shift in parenting.
It marks a significant shift in control and in
how children respond to it. Although we
are cognisant that our child’s needs are
changing, and therefore our parenting
style also needs to change, it remains
challenging. The reality is that parents
will eventually reach a point where they
no longer have control over what their
children do, where they go, and who they
spend their time with.
from ever being hurt or disappointed. esteem: The main problem with
The “Helicopter Parent” • Peer pressure from other parents compels helicopter parenting is that it backfires.
Helicopter parenting is a colloquial term us to do the same and avoid mistakes The underlying message sent to the
that refers to overprotective parenting and failures. We can easily feel that we child is, ‘My parent doesn’t trust me to
and overparenting. It refers to a style are bad parents if we don’t immerse do this on my own.’ This message, in
of parenting where parents are highly ourselves in our children’s lives. Guilt is turn, leads to a lack of confidence.
involved in their child’s life. Their focus a significant factor in this dynamic. This • Undeveloped coping skills: If the
can negatively impact a child’s mental may lead to overcompensation, where parent is always there to clean up a
health, self-image, coping skills, and more. excessive attention and monitoring may child’s mess or prevent the problem in
Helicopter parenting most often applies sometimes attempt to remedy failures. the first place, how does the child ever
to parents who help high school students learn to cope with disappointment,
with tasks they can do alone. (for instance, The effects of helicopter parenting loss, or failure? As a result, helicopter
calling a teacher about poor marks, Many helicopter parents start with good parenting can lead to maladaptive
arranging doctors’ notes for missed tests, intentions. It is a tricky line to find, to behaviours, such as it can impair their
arranging a class timetable, or managing be engaged with our children and their child’s ability to regulate emotions and
exercise habits). lives but not so embedded that we lose behaviour.
Helicopter parenting can develop for perspective on what they need. Engaged • Increased anxiety: Over-parenting
many reasons, but there are two common parenting has many benefits for a child, is associated with higher levels of
triggers. such as feelings of love and acceptance, anxiety and depression.
• Fear of consequences: Parents might better self-confidence and opportunities • Sense of entitlement: Children who
fear their child’s rejection from the sports to grow. However, the problem is that once have always had their social, academic,
team or a botched job interview. At the parenting becomes governed by fear and and athletic lives adjusted by their
bottom of this is the parent’s fear that decisions based on what might happen, parents can become accustomed to
they could have done more to help. it’s hard to remember what children learn always having their way, resulting in a
However, parents try to prevent many when we are not guiding each step. Failure sense of entitlement.
consequences, such as unhappiness, and challenges teach children new skills • Undeveloped life skills: Parents
struggle, not excelling, working hard, and, most importantly, teach children that who always tie shoes, clear plates, pack
and no guaranteed results, they are they can handle failure and challenges. lunches, launder clothes, and monitor
great teachers for children and are not The effects of helicopter parenting school progress, especially when
life-threatening. It just feels that way as are widespread but may include children are mentally and physically
worry can drive parents to take control, consequences such as the following. capable of doing the task, prevent
believing that they can keep their child • Decreased confidence and self- children from mastering these skills.

14 • Issue 4 2024 • The Villager