Page 17 - IFV Issue 4_ 2024

Today’s Child

The “Air-fryer Parent”
Air-fryer parents are either completely
switched off or blasting intense heat.
This intense heat causes a protective
crispy crust to form around their
children. This form of parenting
might be considered healthier than
helicopter parenting since they do not
use conventional methods. Still, it ends
up being just as bad for the child as for
everyone else in the family system. It’s
an aggressive approach but ineffective
at cleaning up your child’s messes
because it propels the child forward at
a high intensity and then withdraws,
leaving them lost.

The effects of air-fryer parenting
Air-fryer parenting is an unsuccessful
dance between being overinvolved
and letting go. It stems from a point • Air-fryer parenting backfires because children. Parents often react to their
of fear and desperation in the parent. there are no mediating role players: children without thinking because
When you use an intense, then back- Understandably, parents today fear they believe they need to get their
off-again approach as a parenting style, they won’t be able to control their children to understand the situation or
it often solves your short-term problem children. The media, the online world, change their behaviour immediately.
of controlling children. These types of and their children’s peers are just too This desperation allows your child’s
parents can initially get the compliance great an influence. Many parents fall behaviour to determine how you
they are looking for. But it comes at a into the trap of using intensity and behave rather than the other way
cost. It may lead to severe problems for control to offset the power of these around. We must model appropriate
children and how they grow up to deal outside influences. Unfortunately, behaviour if we expect it from our
with the adult world. Too often, it leads their reactive nature of intensity is a children. Therefore, if we come in hot,
children to be victims because that’s shortcut that doesn’t work in the long we are demonstrating to our children
the role they’ve been assigned in their term. Parents need to be able to teach just how overwhelmed we are with the
family, or they can be oppositional and their children how to deal with these situation. The message to the child is
demanding because that’s what was powerful influences on their own. then, “Wow, Mom and Dad are freaked
modelled for them by their parents. One of the problems with this type out by this and can’t stay calm. How
Neither role increases the child’s of parenting is that when the child the hoot am I supposed to navigate
chance of developing their potential leaves the home, they don’t know how through it?”. There needs to be a
and creating a successful life. to behave independently. Then, they shift towards healthier pacing when
You can’t force your child into good get into the kind of trouble that the life throws us situations we aren’t in
behaviour through reactive responses. parents were afraid of in the first place. charge of.
Over-the-top intense reactions followed Compliance is achieved through fear of The shift needs to happen to be a
by withdrawal just end up in a power retribution, not through consequences lighthouse parent—helicopters control,
struggle. The key is to give children that allow the child to learn from their air-fryers burn, while lighthouses
consequences that work. The right mistakes. guide. Helicopters fly around, air-fryers
consequences motivate your child to • Moderating emotional regulation demand, while lighthouses stay firm,
develop insight into how problems or builds self-efficacy: I realise stable, and consistent. And possibly
life circumstances may or may not play that many parents don’t intend to most importantly, helicopters shoot
out. They put you back in control and parent like this. Some of us lose our down potential threats, air-fryers come
teach your child how to problem-solve, cool and react to the situation by in blowing intense all-or-nothing
giving your child the skills needed to be yelling. But yelling doesn’t work. If approach force to keep control, and
a successful adult. it did, we would all have compliant lighthouses illuminate the path.

The Villager • Issue 4 2024 • 15