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HUMOUR

VOTE (Sound of running again. They get fainter and

fainter.) Threnodeeee! Where are you going?
What? To hire a jumping castle! No, no Threnody -
not THAT sort of party.
He means a political party to fight next month’s

elections.
He says what I have said so often - that I could,
FOR NAD
if I tried, become President of South Africa and
normality in South Africa.
The truth is, Threnody, most people don’t give a jot
AND RELAX demonstrate to the world that there is still some
or a tittle about politics. Especially a tittle.
I shall call my party the National Apathetics Party
- NAP!
We’ll need a slogan. Not like the ANC. Just listen
BY JAMES CLARKE
to theirs: “Together - fighting for change”. That Tiara Lounge Set

sounds like a load of passengers in Togetherness
espite the general election next month, Tshabalala’s taxi when he claims he’s run out of
local statistics show that hundreds change.
of thousands of South Africans don’t Perhaps our motto could be, “Don’t worry - NAP!”
Dcare about politics and will stay away Yes, yes. I like that. Circularise all Densans and ask
from the polls. Think tank organiser, Antony for ideas for our manifesto.
Trowbridge, pointed out to me that there are so
many apathetic people, that, logically they hold No, no. I’ve changed my mind. We don’t want
the balance of power. ideas. NAP won’t make any decisions because the
He said, “You must surely realise that? So why public is quite capable of making stupid decisions
doesn’t Densa launch a political party for apathetic themselves without politicians helping.
people?” Anyway, as Trowbridge said, “Today’s political
solutions become tomorrow’s problems”.
Densa? We will stage rallies so that the apathetics can
demonstrate their solidarity by staying away –
He was referring to a club I formed years ago for especially on Election Day. They’ll stay home and
those of us too stupid to get into Mensa – Mensa watch soccer on the telly instead.
being the international society for the highly
intelligent. Threnody? Are you noting all this down? What?
You’ve only got as far as “tittle”? Yes, yes, it’s got
Threnody! THENODEEEE! Where is that girl? three tees.
Threnody is my secretary y’know. Files everything But who cares really? In fact, Threnody, you are
under M for Miscellaneous. so delightfully apathetic I shall make you general
(Prolonged sound of running feet. Sound of secretary of NAP. Congratulations!
tripping. Crash! Groan. Running feet resume.) What do you mean, “Who will lead the party?”
Ah, there you are Threnody! Have you put the Have I not made myself clear? Was I not

office teabag out to dry? Good girl! Waste not, L*E*A*D*E*R of the Yellow Six of the 1st Streetly
want not. Boy Scouts between August 10, 1951 and
Threnody, I have a letter here from a fellow whom September 3, 1951? Have you forgotten I was
(or even who) I am pretty sure is from Mensa. He L*E*A*D*E*R of the PA (the Pedestrian Association)
says that under the auspices of Densa I should who fought the AA which doesn’t give a hoot for
start a party … us pedestrians?
NAP will need a man of my calibre. Bite Lounge Set
Next month’s elections will bring into parliament
even more unskilled labour than there is now. They
will win their seats on lies and promises like, “One
man, one Mercedes”. But I shall keep my promises,
Threnody.
I shall promise to do nothing. I will just NAP.
The country can run itself. After all, there’s nothing
a government can do that the public can’t do
better.

Another NAP slogan: “No solutions! No problems!”
We’ll organise a great rally at the FNB Stadium and
members of NAP will demonstrate their solidarity
by not turning up. The empty stadium will
demonstrate our resolve.
On Election Day, our success will be gauged by the
number of people who don’t turn up to vote! Next
month, just watch Threnody! We’ll show ‘em!
Threnody? Threnody?
Snnukkzzzzzx.
She’s fast asleep! My policy works! It works! www.patiowarehouse.co.za | Centurion: 012 657 9400 | Randburg: 011 801 0820
Not that anybody cares.

52 Kyalami Estates • CONNECT • Issue 2 • 2019