Page 29 - Silver Lakes June 2021

TODAY’S CHILD

time to focus on ourselves and our own look a little closer to home to uncover why teens who are able to keep secrets and not
faults. you feel that way. By looking honestly at gossip are those with meaningful and long
your motivation behind participating in lasting attachments.
Generally speaking, in the moment of rumours and gossip, you might uncover
telling the scandalous story, teens have awareness of where these feelings arise. Fifthly, children and teens need to take a
not thought about why the speaker is Even if you, as an adult, dislike a child, there stand against gossiping and find friends
spreading the destructive story in the is still no valid reason for bad-mouthing who will not listen to rumours. They
first place. What does the speaker have the child to other adults or children. must not be drawn into a similar pattern
to gain by spreading stories? What is Again, be a positive role model for your by speaking unkindly about the person
his/her motivation? Does it make the own children by displaying how we treat spreading the rumours. If they do, they
scandalmonger look better or explain others. even when we do not necessarily then become the same type of person.
away bad behaviour? People generally like them. Spend time and energy having fun with
gossip due to their own insecurities. friends and participating in activities they
Secondly, children and teens do not have enjoy. Never have fun at the expense of
Changing the narratives around gossip to be friends with everyone, or even like another. It is important to remind teens
First and foremost, try not to allow gossip everyone, but they need to be kind. Not that we never know the whole picture
in your home. If you want your teen not liking another person does not give from the one-sided information shared
to gossip, make sure you are leading by someone the right to spread rumours, by the gossiper. Therefore, the onus falls
example. Children and teens learn through gossip or put them down. Acting like this on the listener to try and see the bigger
modelling. Therefore, if you gossip at shows a lack of courage and maturity. It is a picture. By trying to see the bigger picture,
home, your teen (child) will gossip about false way to try to gain popularity or status listeners can prevent themselves from
others. I offer three tips to parents within the group. Remember to treat falling for the scandalous story and can
regarding rumours and gossiping based people as you would like to be treated. perhaps glean the hidden agenda.
on what I hear in my private practice:
Thirdly, real popularity comes from feeling Lastly, what people think of them is very
Try not to bad-mouth others in front of comfortable with ourselves and from important to a teen. They need to realise
your own children. Whether it is your own treating people with respect and kindness. that nothing causes unhappiness and
adult friend you have been having words People who are truly well-liked treat insecurity more than rumours, gossip and
with or the fact that you are jealous that everyone with respect and fairness. They bad-mouthing others.
another child did better in the exams or do not put other people down. They do
cricket match or dance competition, than not try to gain power by having ‘followers’ In closing, gossip is spread for social
your own child. Not considering the fact or achieve popularity at the expense of reasons, therefore if someone is gossiping
that they are observing first-hand what another person. They are confident and to you, consider what they are hoping
disrespectful and unkind conversations sure of themselves, so they do not have to to achieve? Also remember if a person
are like, you are the role model and their resort to such unkind behaviour. gossips easily to you, do you really think
observations become the basis for their they are not gossiping about you as well.
behaviour. Children and teens learn Fourthly, teens love a bit of drama. They
behaviour from us. are ‘sold’ dramatics all over social media.
But they do not often think about the
If you no longer want your child playing consequences for others or for themselves
with a particular child, simply stop the by participating in drama. Gossip directly
play dates. Make your rules for your own affects the person gossiping and those
child. Do what you feel is right without participating, and not only the person
spreading stories about the other child. being spoken about. If teens would only
The old saying “If you don’t have anything realise the damage they ultimately do to • Marital, Couples & Family
nice to say, don’t say anything at all” should their reputations with others by gossiping, Therapy
apply equally; if not more so when we they would no longer participate. • Counselling Children,
speak in front of or about other children Gossiping also reduces the level of depth Adolescents & Adults
who are still learning about socialisation, that a friendship can accrue. Friends • “Teen” Challenges
behaviour and expressing emotion. are going to be less likely to confide in • Behavioural & Adjustment
There is NEVER a valid reason to go after someone who is quick to spread stories. • Challenges
Stress-Related Challenges
another child through using rumours and Therefore, teens who gossip tend not to • Adjustment to Depression &
have deep and lasting friendships. Teens
gossip. If you, as an adult, have a problem who gossip regularly are often those with Anxiety
with a particular child, maybe you need to
fluctuating and frivolous friendships. The • Subject & Career Counselling
• Psychometric Testing
For an appointment please call
083 376 1995

Fees are charged according to Scale of
Benefits
Practice Address: 27 Fish Eagle Street,
Silver Lakes, Pretoria
Pr. Nr. 0860000114022
Reg. No.: PS 0080543

INTRA MUROS JUNE 2021 27